FF

"Why do they always ask that?"
"Ask what?"
" 'Butter and sour cream' "
"Who cares"
"I care. It's like, do I really need TWO kinds of fat on my potato?  The second one doesn't even sound appetizing.  SOUR cream?  Sour means bad in my book."

"Given a choice who would choose these bacon bits over the real kind"
"They're crunchy."
"So is gravel!"
"But I don't eat gravel, except for when I was a kid..."
"That's not the point.  Point is choosing fake bacos over real ones is like choosing to have sex with a blow up doll instead of you wife."
"actually I know a lot of people who would choose that.  Wait you're comparing sex to baked potato toppings?"
"I'm passionate about bacon."