The Usual Work Crap
Have you ever tried to sell someone something that they just plain didn’t want? It’s hard, next to impossible actually. You can force them too if you never give them a chance to retaliate. The tick is to ask every customer and never stop talking, and never stop talking once you snagged the poor dolt. You see at the place where I work, North America’s number 1 electronics retailer. We try to push free trial subscriptions to magazines on people. After they try 8 of them for free the service continues to send the household magazines but starts billing them for the 9th one on. It’s not a bad deal, really. The magazines are good; it’s just you have to cancel your subscription after all 8 issues for it to really be free. Heaven forbid the customer has to call and automated 1-800 number and press 1 for yes or 2 for new. Lazy fucks! Every time I don’t sell a magazine I get bitched at by four different managers for not being friendly enough or whatever. Trust me I’m being as friendly as possible without offering to go home and provide oral sex to all the customers kind enough to sign up. I mean, seriously, they basically want us to suck the customer’s cock. I understand they pride themselves on customer service unlike those lazy douche bags at circuit city but there’s only so much a person can do. They ought to call it Best BJ instead of Best Buy, or Future Suck instead of Future Shop. And who cares if my khakis are slightly wrinkled?
Just when I finally thought I was getting somewhere with the girl at work my love interest of the week as I might as well call her. During some break time we were having a nice conversation about the pope at a religious event she attended in Canada, scary movies and not so scary movies, and all the hernias she got from cheerleading (this was kind of gross. Somehow the topic of marriage popped up and I asked jokingly if she was married. I was already starting to chuckle at my own lame quip when she said that she was “promised” promised, I wondered, what the fuck does that mean? She showed me a ring on her finger and I did a total 180 like “Ha ha, h-WhaaAAT?!” So she is engaged. Wow that was a trip, I never even considered it possibility why she wasn’t returning any of my more obvious affection even though there seemed to be definite chemistry between us. My luck with the opposite sex just keeps getting worse. Goes a little something like this: Ashley (her family hates my family) Sara (just sort of drifted apart) Becka (stalked me) Megan (uber-feminine sociopath) Carmella (lived with a scary teacher, now lives miles away) Alicia (engaged, duh). I didn’t help that I didn’t know which finger the ring goes on but process of elimination helped (I know it wasn’t the middle finger or the two in the pink one in the stink fingers, obviously not the thumb). So from these relationship fiascos there is only one thing left, next person will turn out to be a chick with a dick. There’s already this one gay dude who hits on me.
And now here it is, your moment of zen as Jon says. The reason I called this post crap at work is because of a, shall we say unusual discovery today in the Men’s room. During break I went into the employee lounge and two employees were laughing hard. Here’s what happened.
Guy #1: Hey, go look in the restroom!
Me: Why?
Guy #2: *laughing* Just go look, trust me you won’t be disappointed. IT’s in the first handicap stall.
Me: *returns a few minutes later* How is that even possible?
Guy #2: I don’t think is, if he were sitting down it would have raised him up.
Me: Well there is a Taco Bell nearby…
Guys: *laughing*
Guy #1: That is so fucking nasty.
Me: If I were the custodian, I’d just be like “I quit.”
Guy #2: No shit! *laughs* shit
Guy #1: I’m going to take a picture with my camera phone or none will believe us.
You’re probably wondering what this is about, some pooped and filled up the entire toilet bowl, then continued to tower a few inches above the seat. My guess is that someone brought this stuff in concealed somehow, it’s basically an act of vandalism because that much of a load cannot be flushed.
Just when I finally thought I was getting somewhere with the girl at work my love interest of the week as I might as well call her. During some break time we were having a nice conversation about the pope at a religious event she attended in Canada, scary movies and not so scary movies, and all the hernias she got from cheerleading (this was kind of gross. Somehow the topic of marriage popped up and I asked jokingly if she was married. I was already starting to chuckle at my own lame quip when she said that she was “promised” promised, I wondered, what the fuck does that mean? She showed me a ring on her finger and I did a total 180 like “Ha ha, h-WhaaAAT?!” So she is engaged. Wow that was a trip, I never even considered it possibility why she wasn’t returning any of my more obvious affection even though there seemed to be definite chemistry between us. My luck with the opposite sex just keeps getting worse. Goes a little something like this: Ashley (her family hates my family) Sara (just sort of drifted apart) Becka (stalked me) Megan (uber-feminine sociopath) Carmella (lived with a scary teacher, now lives miles away) Alicia (engaged, duh). I didn’t help that I didn’t know which finger the ring goes on but process of elimination helped (I know it wasn’t the middle finger or the two in the pink one in the stink fingers, obviously not the thumb). So from these relationship fiascos there is only one thing left, next person will turn out to be a chick with a dick. There’s already this one gay dude who hits on me.
And now here it is, your moment of zen as Jon says. The reason I called this post crap at work is because of a, shall we say unusual discovery today in the Men’s room. During break I went into the employee lounge and two employees were laughing hard. Here’s what happened.
Guy #1: Hey, go look in the restroom!
Me: Why?
Guy #2: *laughing* Just go look, trust me you won’t be disappointed. IT’s in the first handicap stall.
Me: *returns a few minutes later* How is that even possible?
Guy #2: I don’t think is, if he were sitting down it would have raised him up.
Me: Well there is a Taco Bell nearby…
Guys: *laughing*
Guy #1: That is so fucking nasty.
Me: If I were the custodian, I’d just be like “I quit.”
Guy #2: No shit! *laughs* shit
Guy #1: I’m going to take a picture with my camera phone or none will believe us.
You’re probably wondering what this is about, some pooped and filled up the entire toilet bowl, then continued to tower a few inches above the seat. My guess is that someone brought this stuff in concealed somehow, it’s basically an act of vandalism because that much of a load cannot be flushed.
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