I've Got A Little Place In Hell

A post in Faye's blog described what heaven may be like for her. I'm not positive enough to even imagine a personal utopia. My mind keeps circling back around to this world, as it is now. Just with more recycling. And of course, with me rich enough to make Bill Gates clean my toilets with his tongue (not that I'd want him to). So here's something I can more easily put into words. My own personal hell. In my hell all the things I hate most in this world would run rampant. Pickles, hairless cats, promiscuous mingers, twangy old country music. Every time I see those medical shows on TLC I gag. Don't like blood. Don't like scalpels. No no. Seriously, I'd rather be forced to see violence than surgery. So I imagine people would be continually operated on. While conscious. With no antibiotics, and no pain killers. Even if they were healthy. Evil doctor would smash up beer bottles then stich the glass shards into the lining of your stomach. Or pull out your guts and put on a pokey metal reel like in The Cell. There's just something creepy about people poking and prodding around in your body (I nearly had a panic attack before my wisdom teeth were removed). The weather would alternate between frostbite inducing cold (kinda like Nefilheim) and blisteringly hot. It would be humid too. In between malicious surgeries and torture like having several hundred tiny pins driven into your eyes. Citizens of this hellish world could relax and enjoy movies like Blue Lagoon, Star Kid, Calendar Girls, Baby Geniuses 2: Super Babies, The 13th Floor, Glitter, 3 Ninjas-High-Noon-at-Mega-Mountain, Kazzaam, Pokemon 3, George of The Jungle 2 and Jeepers Creepers 2. There will be TV but the only shows on are Strong Medicine, Beast Master & Judging Amy. Sorry. Even massage parlor where you can enjoy numerous razor lacerations on your back then have lye, sale and alcohol rubbed into the wounds. Then it's back to more torture with a fat, acne ridden, maloderous shemale who stomps on your testicle with cold metal heels. Oh yeah and all of this takes place in your hometown which now exist within a Hyper Cube (google it).

"Who the hell wants to go to Hell?!" - Chode McBlob, Tripping The Rift
"I've got a little place in Aspen" - Randy Marsh, South Park