All in a day 's work!
Remember that movie Clerks in which that character Randall spit in that guy's face? Sometimes I feel tempted, but never follow through. Enjoy.
The following dialogue is not based on actual events; it is entirely made up, i.e. fictitious. Do not take any of the following text seriously; to put it another way, DO NOT BE OFFENDED!
Elderly Woman Customer: Excuse me, sir.
Me: Yes?
Elderly Woman Customer: can you tell me what. . . . ‘G-Unit’ means; is that some type of rating?
Me: and your product qualifies for our two-year product replacement plan, just keep the receipt a-
Fat Man Customer: Oh hell no! I don’t want that shit! If this thing breaks I’ll just be like “fuck it!” and toss it out!
Me: Oookay.
Me: Your purchase (retrograde cassette tape player) also qualifies for a two or three-year product replacement plan in case the blah blah blah
Soccer Mom: No thank you. I’ll just pray to the lord that it doesn’t break.
Me: can tell that she is serious. I’m sure that will work.
Really foul smelling Goth dude: *hands me an Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVD*
Me: Hi! Did you find everything okay?
RFSGD: *incoherent mumbling*
Me: Your total comes to $15.00
RFSGD: *hands me 16 crumpled one dollar bills*
Me: *gives him back one, then puts his DVD in a sack and hands it to him* Thank you, have a nice day
RFSGD: *incoherent mumbling*
Me: And, I’ll need your phone number.
Mexican Dude: *blank stare*
Me: I need your phone number for this. . .
Mex Dude: Que? . . . . . What?
Me: Oh god, he doesn’t speak English Phone, number. Numero de telephon-o?
Mex Dude: *looks a little worried*
Me: *pushes the button and skips it* Don’t worry about it, thank you.
Hottie: Hi!
Me: Hi, find everything you needed?
Hottie: Gee, I hope so! *giggles*
Me: Tries to scan barcode but it doesn’t work
Hottie: Oh sorry I got this turned around! There are more on the other side.
Me: Helps her rotate the box in the right direction and discovers 5 barcodes all really torn up.
Hottie: Sorry, looks like I grabbed the messed up one!
Me: looks like. *Scans all five but none of them register*
Manager #3: Is there a problem?
Hottie: Yeah! He can’t find the right line-thingy!
Me: Yes, I can it’s th-
Manager #3: Scan that one.
Me: *scans the one she was pointing to* It doesn’t work.
Manager #3: Here, let me try *scans, but still doesn’t work* Okay let me try something *quickly walks off*
Me: *glances at customer*
Hottie: *glances at me* Is she coming back?
Me: Probably.
Manager #3: *finally returns* ‘Kay. Enter that number under the torn code.
Me: *looks over at the box*
Manager #3: *takes the box and starts reading a 20 digit number aloud* No, 9. Okay, then 0 wait 4. Delete that. Not stop right there. 9, 0, you had it.
Me: *offers her the free magazines that come with her purchase*
Butch Female Customer: Not thanks. Think I’ll pass.
Me: *Smiles and tries to joke in an attempt to seem less “like the robot”* what, you don’t like Orlando Bloom? *Points at his picture on the brochure*
BFC: No actually! I saw him in Pirates of the Caribbean, and though he was quite . . . . . light in the loafers *laughs gruffly*
Me: *pauses briefly in shock at the derogatory comment; then laughs with her and says have a nice day*
Little boy: Wow! Mom, Dad. I want this robot!
Parents: Ignore him, and continue chatting leisurely despite the fact that we are closing
Bossy Cashier next to me who smells like dead fish steps forward: They might not buy it for you, its kind of expensive.
Little boy: Why how much does it cost, a million dollars? A thousand dollars? A infinity-seven dollar?
BCNTMWSLDF: ISN’T HE SOOOOOO CUTE!
Me: *nods*
Robot: *farts then runs out of power, again*
Parents: COME ON -----, Lets go!
----------------LATER-------------------
Manager #1: Leans forward after scheduling me on the only day I can’t work. I just want to help you, what can I do to help you?
Me: how about finish off that last candy bar and die of hypertension. *Shrugs innocently*
Manager #1: We just don’t want you to be comfortable and not sound so much like the robot. Not sound so…..so…..
Me: Scripted?
Manager #1: Yes, scriptey! So I’ll see you then?
Me: absolutely.
Manager #1: Great!
"No, I don't work here. I just have the same color shirt heh heh" - Rocko's Modern Life
The following dialogue is not based on actual events; it is entirely made up, i.e. fictitious. Do not take any of the following text seriously; to put it another way, DO NOT BE OFFENDED!
Elderly Woman Customer: Excuse me, sir.
Me: Yes?
Elderly Woman Customer: can you tell me what. . . . ‘G-Unit’ means; is that some type of rating?
Me: and your product qualifies for our two-year product replacement plan, just keep the receipt a-
Fat Man Customer: Oh hell no! I don’t want that shit! If this thing breaks I’ll just be like “fuck it!” and toss it out!
Me: Oookay.
Me: Your purchase (retrograde cassette tape player) also qualifies for a two or three-year product replacement plan in case the blah blah blah
Soccer Mom: No thank you. I’ll just pray to the lord that it doesn’t break.
Me: can tell that she is serious. I’m sure that will work.
Really foul smelling Goth dude: *hands me an Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVD*
Me: Hi! Did you find everything okay?
RFSGD: *incoherent mumbling*
Me: Your total comes to $15.00
RFSGD: *hands me 16 crumpled one dollar bills*
Me: *gives him back one, then puts his DVD in a sack and hands it to him* Thank you, have a nice day
RFSGD: *incoherent mumbling*
Me: And, I’ll need your phone number.
Mexican Dude: *blank stare*
Me: I need your phone number for this. . .
Mex Dude: Que? . . . . . What?
Me: Oh god, he doesn’t speak English Phone, number. Numero de telephon-o?
Mex Dude: *looks a little worried*
Me: *pushes the button and skips it* Don’t worry about it, thank you.
Hottie: Hi!
Me: Hi, find everything you needed?
Hottie: Gee, I hope so! *giggles*
Me: Tries to scan barcode but it doesn’t work
Hottie: Oh sorry I got this turned around! There are more on the other side.
Me: Helps her rotate the box in the right direction and discovers 5 barcodes all really torn up.
Hottie: Sorry, looks like I grabbed the messed up one!
Me: looks like. *Scans all five but none of them register*
Manager #3: Is there a problem?
Hottie: Yeah! He can’t find the right line-thingy!
Me: Yes, I can it’s th-
Manager #3: Scan that one.
Me: *scans the one she was pointing to* It doesn’t work.
Manager #3: Here, let me try *scans, but still doesn’t work* Okay let me try something *quickly walks off*
Me: *glances at customer*
Hottie: *glances at me* Is she coming back?
Me: Probably.
Manager #3: *finally returns* ‘Kay. Enter that number under the torn code.
Me: *looks over at the box*
Manager #3: *takes the box and starts reading a 20 digit number aloud* No, 9. Okay, then 0 wait 4. Delete that. Not stop right there. 9, 0, you had it.
Me: *offers her the free magazines that come with her purchase*
Butch Female Customer: Not thanks. Think I’ll pass.
Me: *Smiles and tries to joke in an attempt to seem less “like the robot”* what, you don’t like Orlando Bloom? *Points at his picture on the brochure*
BFC: No actually! I saw him in Pirates of the Caribbean, and though he was quite . . . . . light in the loafers *laughs gruffly*
Me: *pauses briefly in shock at the derogatory comment; then laughs with her and says have a nice day*
Little boy: Wow! Mom, Dad. I want this robot!
Parents: Ignore him, and continue chatting leisurely despite the fact that we are closing
Bossy Cashier next to me who smells like dead fish steps forward: They might not buy it for you, its kind of expensive.
Little boy: Why how much does it cost, a million dollars? A thousand dollars? A infinity-seven dollar?
BCNTMWSLDF: ISN’T HE SOOOOOO CUTE!
Me: *nods*
Robot: *farts then runs out of power, again*
Parents: COME ON -----, Lets go!
----------------LATER-------------------
Manager #1: Leans forward after scheduling me on the only day I can’t work. I just want to help you, what can I do to help you?
Me: how about finish off that last candy bar and die of hypertension. *Shrugs innocently*
Manager #1: We just don’t want you to be comfortable and not sound so much like the robot. Not sound so…..so…..
Me: Scripted?
Manager #1: Yes, scriptey! So I’ll see you then?
Me: absolutely.
Manager #1: Great!
"No, I don't work here. I just have the same color shirt heh heh" - Rocko's Modern Life
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home