Thursday, February 24, 2005

Canadian Bacon Sucks

From now on I will accompany Marty to the store whenever he buys frozen pizza. The guy just can't be left unsupervised. At least Mom knows a good pie when she sees one.....So this is what's in our freezer right now. One four meat pizza, and another with spinach and something else on it. I didn't bother to read any further, I lost my appetite at 'spinach'. I'm eating one of the two Four-meat pizzas right now and let me tell ya, CANADIAN BACON SUCKS!

The only reason I like meat is because it taste good. Duh right? Wrong. It's not that simple, you see when I think about meat and it's origins I feel queasy. Luckily, when I see a pizza the animal's hid from which the topping on my pizza were carved are the last thing on my mind. I just wanna chow down! The whole dead smelly beast thing never ever comes up because I've eaten my pizza and gone on to watch Lost, or Alias, or The 4400; Or this like week, study my ass off. Anyway lets go down the list of meets: Beef, yummy. Sausage, tasty. Pepperoni, nothing better! Canadian Bacon...Eh, not so much. It taste like a piece of leather. A big, fat, greasy, piece of a-Dockers-belt. And it's chewy.

The Three Yumketeers (hamburger, sausage and pepperoni) go down nice and fast, but no, Canadian bacon's lingers around forces you to savor it's sweaty sock flavor. During that seemingly endless period of chewing, I am reminded of squealing, squirming, specimen of pig this so called "bacon" came from. How it used to devour slop by the gulp-full then proceed to roll around in it's own feces. It doesn't help matters that during this meal of meals Liz decides to describe in detail the dissection of baby pigs in her Biology class. Worst all the C.B. leaves behind it's football aftertaste, it won't go away no matter how many diet pepsis you chug (Mom, I've got some fat to chew with you too about this whole diet business)

So basically the only thing worse than Canadian bacon would be that fish they put on pizza, tuna, or sardines. I don't know, I can't remember what it's called because I've never been inebriated enough to request ANCHOVIES (oh yeah) as a topping. Well, I'm done with these microwaved leftovers now so I guess that's the end of my post. I picked all the crappy Canadian bacon off BTW.....now my keyboard is greasy.

I wanted to post a picture of Canadian bacon to show you how nasty it is. Alas, I could only find picture os a movie called Canadian Bacon starring some fat guy.....who probably enjoys him a nice, fat, piece of bacon canuck style.


PS - PINEAPPLES SUCK TOO!
---End Rant

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