Valentine's Day
Me: I love a woman in uniform.
School Cop: *guffaws* Oh, really?
Me: Yep.
[silence]
Me: *puts arm around her shoulder*
School Cop: *glares at me behind sunglasses*
Me: I-i don't. Um, sorry. Bye. *leaves*
Remember the good old days? When Valentine's Day was a big deal because we actually took an hour or two out of class time in school to make those stupid "mail-boxes" from empty Kleenex boxes? Then everyone got cards from the people they liked (and didn't like because we had a rule at our school that you had to buy for everyone in the class) and candy? Whenever I think of Valentine’s Day I think of that scene from Billy Madison where Adam Sandler receives a lacey valentine from his sweaty-lard-assed-homo-of-a-principal. Yeah. Elementary school was pretty sweet; I miss recess. We should have like high school 4-square teams instead of football.
Anyway, I guess I've always been kind of a Valentine's Day Grinch. I remember in second grade I snuck in at recess stole everyone's candy and dumped trash from the metal wastebaskets into the mailboxes. Back then I was a kleptomaniac. And an asshole. Now I'm just the latter.
Ah, memories. So what's V-day like nowadays? So glad you asked. I woke up today and completely forgot the holiday even existed. Imagine my surprise when a cheerleader arrived in the middle of AP Chem. and started delivering roses to people. Most of them were from mothers to their daughters. Heh. Fuckin’ losers. Who gets roses from mom?
After chemistry I left high school hell and drove over to the university for my English class. The weather had taken and unexpected turn for the better (35-65? How is that even possible?) So all that snow and ice that had accumulated the past couple of days began melting. While going down the steep hill in front of my house I was unable to brake because the car just kept sliding. My car slid right into the back of this lady's mormon assault vehicle (minivan/SUV). I slid into her slowly so had our cars hit bumper to bumper it is unlikely any damaged would have occurred; but her car's bumper was much higher than mine, allowing it to pass over my bumper and smash into the front end of my car. She was quite literally, all up in my grill. The lady drove forward a little, got out, inspected her car and saw that there was no damage, not even a scratch on her bumper. I got out of my car, walked around to the front and..... OH MY HOLY CRAP ON CRACKER! Headlights were smashed out, one was dangling by the wires, my grill was nearly folded in half, the radiator was busted and the hood won't close all the way. Luckily the car was still drivable, and since it is I may not even fix it (I need to save money for college tuition and that French trip). It looks horrible, and I noticed people laughing at me as I drove by. Isn't that horrible? Even I would never do that. I wanted to skip class (it's college I can do this now) but decided not to tarnish my perfect attendance. Instead I skipped French, which I know I'll probably flunk anyway. I went to The Launch Pad (a local fast food place) and got three bacon cheeseburgers. Lots of people eat chocolate when they are depressed. Bull honkery! Chocolate is overrated. Especially Valentine's Day chocolate, it never seems as sweet, soft or chocolaty as it should be. Of all the candy holidays: Easter, Christmas, Halloween Valentine's Day has the least desirable treats. So I got a real mans self-loathing food. BEEF. I was starving and assumed I could eat burgers till the sun turned red and blew up. I was wrong. I felt horribly sick. I thought I might vomit a few times but luckily, I managed not to ralph. I'd like to show a picture of the damage but my new digital camera is missing. I bought it because it was such a small gadget, and now if it hasn't been eaten by Rocky will probably get thrown away or fried in the washing machine.
I got home, watched reruns of Stargate and Sliders then I went to work to fill in for a "sick" (yeah right) cashier. As I was coming home from work I found a bag in the front seat of my car with red tissue paper, in it was the DVD box set of Millennium. It was from Mom, awwww. That was sweet. She had asked me what I wanted a few days ago and I didn't take her seriously. I told her I wanted a hooker and all that got me was a lecture. Dad would have laughed...anyway should I ever decide to show this blog to you, thanks. I really appreciate it.
I've already watched the first disk and now I'm getting ready to start on the second; and devour these chalky hearts--but not the purple or pink ones. They're yucky.
Note: No, Millennium is not better than the x-files; but it's by Chris Carter and yes it's damn good!-
"A missed opportunity is never lost, for each time I drop one, somebody else picks it up." - Anonymous
-and no I did not ask Veronica out, I haven't even seen her around in weeks.
-----
More Flashback Commentary Before I Forget: For some reason I used to always get the Garfield V-day cards. I guess I used to think they were less girly. T always got them to, but that was because he was obsessed with cats. Elle got Bratz cards this year. What the fuck is a Bratz? I know what it is in the typical sense but I mean, Brat? That must be the worst marketing idea ever. Some cigar smoking exec wanted to sell dolls to brats; so he actually called the dolls Brats (with a z on the end for hipness!) fucktard.
School Cop: *guffaws* Oh, really?
Me: Yep.
[silence]
Me: *puts arm around her shoulder*
School Cop: *glares at me behind sunglasses*
Me: I-i don't. Um, sorry. Bye. *leaves*
Remember the good old days? When Valentine's Day was a big deal because we actually took an hour or two out of class time in school to make those stupid "mail-boxes" from empty Kleenex boxes? Then everyone got cards from the people they liked (and didn't like because we had a rule at our school that you had to buy for everyone in the class) and candy? Whenever I think of Valentine’s Day I think of that scene from Billy Madison where Adam Sandler receives a lacey valentine from his sweaty-lard-assed-homo-of-a-principal. Yeah. Elementary school was pretty sweet; I miss recess. We should have like high school 4-square teams instead of football.
Anyway, I guess I've always been kind of a Valentine's Day Grinch. I remember in second grade I snuck in at recess stole everyone's candy and dumped trash from the metal wastebaskets into the mailboxes. Back then I was a kleptomaniac. And an asshole. Now I'm just the latter.
Ah, memories. So what's V-day like nowadays? So glad you asked. I woke up today and completely forgot the holiday even existed. Imagine my surprise when a cheerleader arrived in the middle of AP Chem. and started delivering roses to people. Most of them were from mothers to their daughters. Heh. Fuckin’ losers. Who gets roses from mom?
After chemistry I left high school hell and drove over to the university for my English class. The weather had taken and unexpected turn for the better (35-65? How is that even possible?) So all that snow and ice that had accumulated the past couple of days began melting. While going down the steep hill in front of my house I was unable to brake because the car just kept sliding. My car slid right into the back of this lady's mormon assault vehicle (minivan/SUV). I slid into her slowly so had our cars hit bumper to bumper it is unlikely any damaged would have occurred; but her car's bumper was much higher than mine, allowing it to pass over my bumper and smash into the front end of my car. She was quite literally, all up in my grill. The lady drove forward a little, got out, inspected her car and saw that there was no damage, not even a scratch on her bumper. I got out of my car, walked around to the front and..... OH MY HOLY CRAP ON CRACKER! Headlights were smashed out, one was dangling by the wires, my grill was nearly folded in half, the radiator was busted and the hood won't close all the way. Luckily the car was still drivable, and since it is I may not even fix it (I need to save money for college tuition and that French trip). It looks horrible, and I noticed people laughing at me as I drove by. Isn't that horrible? Even I would never do that. I wanted to skip class (it's college I can do this now) but decided not to tarnish my perfect attendance. Instead I skipped French, which I know I'll probably flunk anyway. I went to The Launch Pad (a local fast food place) and got three bacon cheeseburgers. Lots of people eat chocolate when they are depressed. Bull honkery! Chocolate is overrated. Especially Valentine's Day chocolate, it never seems as sweet, soft or chocolaty as it should be. Of all the candy holidays: Easter, Christmas, Halloween Valentine's Day has the least desirable treats. So I got a real mans self-loathing food. BEEF. I was starving and assumed I could eat burgers till the sun turned red and blew up. I was wrong. I felt horribly sick. I thought I might vomit a few times but luckily, I managed not to ralph. I'd like to show a picture of the damage but my new digital camera is missing. I bought it because it was such a small gadget, and now if it hasn't been eaten by Rocky will probably get thrown away or fried in the washing machine.
I got home, watched reruns of Stargate and Sliders then I went to work to fill in for a "sick" (yeah right) cashier. As I was coming home from work I found a bag in the front seat of my car with red tissue paper, in it was the DVD box set of Millennium. It was from Mom, awwww. That was sweet. She had asked me what I wanted a few days ago and I didn't take her seriously. I told her I wanted a hooker and all that got me was a lecture. Dad would have laughed...anyway should I ever decide to show this blog to you, thanks. I really appreciate it.
I've already watched the first disk and now I'm getting ready to start on the second; and devour these chalky hearts--but not the purple or pink ones. They're yucky.
Note: No, Millennium is not better than the x-files; but it's by Chris Carter and yes it's damn good!-
"A missed opportunity is never lost, for each time I drop one, somebody else picks it up." - Anonymous
-and no I did not ask Veronica out, I haven't even seen her around in weeks.
-----
More Flashback Commentary Before I Forget: For some reason I used to always get the Garfield V-day cards. I guess I used to think they were less girly. T always got them to, but that was because he was obsessed with cats. Elle got Bratz cards this year. What the fuck is a Bratz? I know what it is in the typical sense but I mean, Brat? That must be the worst marketing idea ever. Some cigar smoking exec wanted to sell dolls to brats; so he actually called the dolls Brats (with a z on the end for hipness!) fucktard.
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