Rants and Raves from a Non-Raver is typed in front of a live studio audience; Howdy y’all. Today is different day, the one time each year when you do something new and different that you or nobody else has ever done. Today I took the bubble wrap from my recent e-bay purchases and wrapped it around my butt instead of under wear. Whenever I sat down it sounded like Rice Krispies in bizzarro-world were you don't eat the cereal, the cereal eat you. Speaking of things in the vicinity of my ass. I also tried a more proactive approach in courting the ladies. Rather than waiting for them to come to me I asked out a girl named Amber, but to loosen things up first I decided to start things off with a joke. I told her to "pull my finger", and to my great surprise, she did! Never one to disappoint I totally ripped ass in front of her, and her friends. There are no mistakes in life only experiences from which to learn from, what did I learn? Use OTHER joke. Now I share with you other nawlege. My little-adopeted-step-sister asked me today what I wanted to be when I grow up. I told her that according to the greedy fucks at the Cinema, I was already grown up and there for able to pay full price, but as for drinking laws I was a child. I told her that "grown ups" were in the eye of the beholder, and based on most people's ideas of maturity I would never grow up. She said "just like Peter pan?" and I said "No tights are uncomfortable, and the only flying I do will be in first class". In other news Taylor peed into an empty bottle of Dr. Green, then forgot about it later and took a sip. Classic taylor momment, according to him it wasn't the first time. END