Uh oh, Cupid.
Spring has sprung and love is in the air, that means everywhere people are falling in love, and neutered dogs are dry humping. For me it means I will be once again weeding out poor relationship candidates. The following is a list of reasons why you probably should not contact me.
1. You are an obsessive music whore. It's great to be cultured but I don't want to spend eternity dissecting the meaning behind this flavor of the week's latest pathetic emo band. I don't want to go to concerts with you. For the most part, they suck.
2. If you're a republican. If you can't go three minutes without mentioning your Bible study group, or how you hate Bill Clinton because your Grandma screams at him on TV. 'nuff said.
3. If you're one of those girls that just sits around twiddling your thumbs. Say something interesting. Anything! I'm a good conversationalist but don't make me go solo.
4. If you are fat. No fat chicks please. I'm an active guy, I don't want a girl I have to push around in a wheel barrel.
5. If you have children. Let me make this clear, I don't want to be a father and you don't want me to be their father.
6. If you're a wigga. Just because you don't relate to your family doesn't me we will. Don't contact me if you're a pasty white girl from suburbia wearing do-rags and speaking ebonics. No I don't want to be your baby's daddy, and no I don't want to discuss how great Tupac is.
7. If you'd rather watch The O.C., or Nanny 911 instead of Battlestar Galactica. It would never work out, trust me.
8. If you're 13. What the hell is it with you and older guys? I don't care if you're hot, or if your parents "don't care" it's humiliating and illegal being with you! Go play with Barbie.
9. If you're over 23. If I'm horny I suppose we could do it, but don't expect a committed relationship. Really, how could you? Seriously.
10. If you're gay. Nothing personal about homosexuals, but I'm not one. Call me in 10 years and see if I've changed my mind.
If you survived the list above go ahead an talk to me. Actually I'll go out with anyone who is nice enough or brave enough to ask. It's far and I would expect the same, however if someone has one of the problems listed above I'm not surprised when it doesn't work out. Always be nice about rejecting someone though, online dating is one of the few instances where girls have the confidence to make the first move so you want avoid scaring them for life. One man's trash is another man's treasure! Okay so that's not the nicest thing in the world to say either. . .
1. You are an obsessive music whore. It's great to be cultured but I don't want to spend eternity dissecting the meaning behind this flavor of the week's latest pathetic emo band. I don't want to go to concerts with you. For the most part, they suck.
2. If you're a republican. If you can't go three minutes without mentioning your Bible study group, or how you hate Bill Clinton because your Grandma screams at him on TV. 'nuff said.
3. If you're one of those girls that just sits around twiddling your thumbs. Say something interesting. Anything! I'm a good conversationalist but don't make me go solo.
4. If you are fat. No fat chicks please. I'm an active guy, I don't want a girl I have to push around in a wheel barrel.
5. If you have children. Let me make this clear, I don't want to be a father and you don't want me to be their father.
6. If you're a wigga. Just because you don't relate to your family doesn't me we will. Don't contact me if you're a pasty white girl from suburbia wearing do-rags and speaking ebonics. No I don't want to be your baby's daddy, and no I don't want to discuss how great Tupac is.
7. If you'd rather watch The O.C., or Nanny 911 instead of Battlestar Galactica. It would never work out, trust me.
8. If you're 13. What the hell is it with you and older guys? I don't care if you're hot, or if your parents "don't care" it's humiliating and illegal being with you! Go play with Barbie.
9. If you're over 23. If I'm horny I suppose we could do it, but don't expect a committed relationship. Really, how could you? Seriously.
10. If you're gay. Nothing personal about homosexuals, but I'm not one. Call me in 10 years and see if I've changed my mind.
If you survived the list above go ahead an talk to me. Actually I'll go out with anyone who is nice enough or brave enough to ask. It's far and I would expect the same, however if someone has one of the problems listed above I'm not surprised when it doesn't work out. Always be nice about rejecting someone though, online dating is one of the few instances where girls have the confidence to make the first move so you want avoid scaring them for life. One man's trash is another man's treasure! Okay so that's not the nicest thing in the world to say either. . .
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