Drunk People Piss Me Off

I used to think they were funny, and I suppose to some small degree they are but more and more I beginning to think they're just a burden. I hate having to babysit drunk people. I think I've mentioned that a few times in my blog. The worst part is, that because their judgment is impaired they believe their okay and yet clearly they're not. Since coming to college I have had about a fourth of a can of beer. Not much; especially compared with the gallons (I'm dead serious) yes gallons consumed by my friends and other that live in the dormitory. When I first toured Smith I didn't know about it's reputation as a party center. I only knew that the rooms were a lot nicer than the other ones on campus and the food options were a step up. Had I known about the serious drinking issues I might have reconsidered. Even drunks aside I'm not sure this place is worth that much more than the other dorms. It's not THAT much better.

Here are strange statements by random drunk people overheard at my hall:

Late one night as I was returning home I met a drunk guy in the elevator
Drunk Guy: Sup
Me: Hi
Drunk Guy: *pushes all the buttons* Oh shit man....I'm so drunk right now.
Me: Really?
Drunk Guy: Yeah. I just fucking want to piss all OVER this elevator. *unzips pants*
Me: ?!!

At 2AM one morning I heard a loud knock at my door. I woke up and looked out but no one was there. Down the hall I could see two guys running up and down either side banging on doors. I closed the door and went back to sleep but a few minutes later I heard some loud voices in the hall and I think it was the same guys.

Guy #1: You're a whore!
Girl Next Door: Shut the hell up!
Guy #2: You're fucking anorexic, and you wear to much goddamn make up!
Girl Next Door: Shut. U-
Guy #1: You're a whore! SUCK MY COCK!

and just a few hours ago....
Girl: Heyyy How are you? Hows it going.
Me: Not bad.
Girl: I loooove bblack men
Me: That's o-okay. That's nice.
Girl: Do you live on this-um what room are you in??
Me: 918
Girl: 1019?
Me: No. 918.
Girl: Okay 1019! You wanna make sometime *grins*
Me: Sure.
Girl: Okay cool! I'm Jessie

I shook her hand and introduced myself, she used that as an opportunity to rub my hand over her breast. I can't say I didn't enjoy it but it was an awkward experience. She did not in fact return (probably went to 1019) which is for the best. She might have had herpes, or at the very least mono. She didn't look that clean me.

I'd also like to add that just a few minutes ago I left to escort some people into the dormitory (after 11:30 guest can only enter if they are escorted by a resident, only two guest are permitted by resident so I agreed to help Christina bring some friends over) as I got on to the elevator I almost slipped because the entire floor and walls of the elevator were wet with alcohol (I hope it was alcohol). Nice

Aside from those fascinating details there are the usual problems too. Every 2 minutes I can hear tires screeching outside, maybe the students are just bad drivers but I think being inebriated probably doesn't help either.

Fed up by all this I e-mailed Meg through facenook and asked her why people at college drink so much. If anyone had an answer, I assumed she would as my high school's queen of beer. In the reply she sent me, she included this list:

1.Pop doesnt get you drunk
2.I think its a little less carbonated (its the carbonation that really gets me)
3.Pop gives me caffeine headaches (beer only has a small chance of giving me a headache and its more long term thinking, i dont do thatz)
4.All the cool kids do it
5.Most cases i can get beer for free, No guy is just going to hand out pop
6.Its pretty classy
7.Its illegal for me to have, I love danger
8.Many a good story starts with someone getting beer, never pop
9.I dont have to take myself seriously when i drink beer
10. beer in the bottle is easier to find than pop in a bottle(everything taste better out of a glass bottle)

Well there you have it folks. That's why every Sunday morning the cleaning crew must shampoo vomit spots out of the carpet on every floor. In short most people can't loosen up without alcohol. If people aren't laid back, they can't have fun. I guess as someone who has never taken himself too seriously it's not much of a surprise that I don't need to drink. Also seeing as how I've never caved too peer pressure it shouldn't be much of a surprise that I never will.

"Dude, I'm so drunk right now....fuckin' kamikazes. Kamikaze shots that is. But I'm not gonna have a hangover because I drank lots of water. That's the secret. That's why it felt so good to piss just now. Now if you don't mind I'm going to make Ramen noodles at 2:00 in da morning. Do you mind if I just step out and take a shower?" - Jake