Dude, THERES my car!
I made it back home alive to tell you this. Tonight because my car is a safety hazard my Dad let me take his shiny new Mazda. It's a great car, when I press my foot on the accelerator it moves forward before I count down 3, 2, 1. I nearly hit a car on the way there, went up on the curb twice and nearly ran over a woman pushing a stroller who yelled "Hey!!!” The mall which is home to our fair city's dilapidated six theater cinema is located on a long street called Wuanuhmakuher (Hmm possibly not the correct spelling). Along this strip or "The 'Maker" as Joe calls it where most of our little shit hole of a town's nightlife and takes place. There are bookstores, clothing stores, an IHOP and about seven different steak houses. I'm pretty sure the entire population was there tonight, which made it more frightening when the car ran out of gas. I put it in neutral and pushed it slowly down the hill straight through three parking lots until I reached a gas station. I had never ordered gas before. When I had been driving on a daily basis Mother had always had it filled up for me when I came out in the morning. Perhaps order is the wrong word, there was no speaker there like at McDonalds just a slot only big enough for credit cards and a sign that said see cashier. So I saw the cashier and we had an informative chat that went something like this
Cashier: . . . . ..
Lsob: . . . . .
Cashier: Hi.
Lsob: Hi. I need gas.
Cashier: How much?
Lsob: I don't know. Fill 'er up?
Cashier: What?
Lsob: Hell, I don't know how much it holds...just give me like a gallon.
Cashier::: looks at computer screen::
Lsob: I'll take however much I can get for five bucks and under.
Cashier: Okay 3.21 worth of gas, what number?
Lsob: 24?
Cashier: There are only 8 pumps...
Lsob: Ha ha just kidding, I forgot let me go check, wait no I don't want to loose my place. ::Looks at the big guy behind him:: Hang on there Bubba; it's my first time
"Bubba": No kidding
Lsob: See that black car out there, that's mine. ::POINTS OUT WINDOW::
Cashier: Oh, that's pump three.
Maybe one day I'll look back on this and laugh, I'm luaghing now because the cashier had a funny accent but I'm sure in the future my reason for amusement will be of a different orgin.
She gave me change and a receipt and I went out to the pump. Before getting started I slapped my hands on the car, I saw on Opera where a woman caught on fire because of static electricity igniting the gas. This was supposed to ground something. Then I unscrewed the gas cap and placed the gun shaped thingy in the hole. Nothing happened, and then I flipped up a small metal tab maybe one inch in length and propped the trigger up with it. I heard soft sound like *fwssshhhhh*, but there was no *CLUNK*. When Dad fills up the tanks they go CLUNK where’s me clunk? I just stood there for five minutes until I was sure all the gas was in then hopped in the car. The needle was still on "E". I was devastated but then I turned the key and the needle rose back up halfway. Victory is mine! I drove to Wal-Mart and bought tons of cheap candy and pop and shoved it in clothes wherever I could put it. I drove back towards the mall and almost hit one of the street racer guys in his loud brightly illuminated vehicle. By the time I had reached the theater Dawn of The Dead was halfway over so I bought a ticket to a later showing of Starsky and Hutch instead. I had just enough time too use the restroom in the food court before the movie started. It took longer than I expected though, there were swarms of middle school girls blocking the entrance to the restrooms and some loud guys inside had locked all the stalls then climbed under them. I used the handicapped stall, I examined the glyphs on the plastic walls, which had been made with lighters or knives and listened to the guy's discussion that despite their age was about "Boo-boo". I returned to the theater and watched the movie, which I enjoyed very much. I am regretful that I missed the previews though and the scrambled actor names like OTM SHANK. At the end Starsky crashed his car into the ocean and they met the original Starsky and Hutch because Huggy Bear bought their car. It's comforting to know there are people in worse driving situations than me. I guess Dawn of The Dead will have to wait for another dead. It is okay, the dead are patient.
"DO it!" -Starsky & Hutch
"You don't understand. A garage. I can't even pull in there. It's
like going to a prostitute. Why should I pay, when if I apply myself, maybe I
could get it for free?" George Costanza, Seinfield Episode # 39
Cashier: . . . . ..
Lsob: . . . . .
Cashier: Hi.
Lsob: Hi. I need gas.
Cashier: How much?
Lsob: I don't know. Fill 'er up?
Cashier: What?
Lsob: Hell, I don't know how much it holds...just give me like a gallon.
Cashier::: looks at computer screen::
Lsob: I'll take however much I can get for five bucks and under.
Cashier: Okay 3.21 worth of gas, what number?
Lsob: 24?
Cashier: There are only 8 pumps...
Lsob: Ha ha just kidding, I forgot let me go check, wait no I don't want to loose my place. ::Looks at the big guy behind him:: Hang on there Bubba; it's my first time
"Bubba": No kidding
Lsob: See that black car out there, that's mine. ::POINTS OUT WINDOW::
Cashier: Oh, that's pump three.
Maybe one day I'll look back on this and laugh, I'm luaghing now because the cashier had a funny accent but I'm sure in the future my reason for amusement will be of a different orgin.
She gave me change and a receipt and I went out to the pump. Before getting started I slapped my hands on the car, I saw on Opera where a woman caught on fire because of static electricity igniting the gas. This was supposed to ground something. Then I unscrewed the gas cap and placed the gun shaped thingy in the hole. Nothing happened, and then I flipped up a small metal tab maybe one inch in length and propped the trigger up with it. I heard soft sound like *fwssshhhhh*, but there was no *CLUNK*. When Dad fills up the tanks they go CLUNK where’s me clunk? I just stood there for five minutes until I was sure all the gas was in then hopped in the car. The needle was still on "E". I was devastated but then I turned the key and the needle rose back up halfway. Victory is mine! I drove to Wal-Mart and bought tons of cheap candy and pop and shoved it in clothes wherever I could put it. I drove back towards the mall and almost hit one of the street racer guys in his loud brightly illuminated vehicle. By the time I had reached the theater Dawn of The Dead was halfway over so I bought a ticket to a later showing of Starsky and Hutch instead. I had just enough time too use the restroom in the food court before the movie started. It took longer than I expected though, there were swarms of middle school girls blocking the entrance to the restrooms and some loud guys inside had locked all the stalls then climbed under them. I used the handicapped stall, I examined the glyphs on the plastic walls, which had been made with lighters or knives and listened to the guy's discussion that despite their age was about "Boo-boo". I returned to the theater and watched the movie, which I enjoyed very much. I am regretful that I missed the previews though and the scrambled actor names like OTM SHANK. At the end Starsky crashed his car into the ocean and they met the original Starsky and Hutch because Huggy Bear bought their car. It's comforting to know there are people in worse driving situations than me. I guess Dawn of The Dead will have to wait for another dead. It is okay, the dead are patient.
"DO it!" -Starsky & Hutch
"You don't understand. A garage. I can't even pull in there. It's
like going to a prostitute. Why should I pay, when if I apply myself, maybe I
could get it for free?" George Costanza, Seinfield Episode # 39
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