All Bad Things!
I heard somewhere that all good things must come to and end. I think the reverse is also true. All bad things also come to and end, and I just know one of you guys are going “but Nathan, what about life!” That brings me to my next saying. “Life’s a bitch then you die; so fuck the world, and go get high.” So any further questions? I didn’t think so, as for the getting high part I’ll leave that up to you but to be honest if life is such a bitch you may have trouble getting high off it (high on life, get it?) so you might want to opt for the weed when someone passes it your way. Anyway today sucked ass but turned out cool in the end, it was dark and cloudy; the kind of conditions where if you look out your window your first thoughts are Hey, today is going to be nipply. At least in the winter, but now its spring, the weather is getting warmer and different rules apply. Though dense clouds shrouded the sun; it was in no way cold. Today was hotter than J-lo’s ass on a sauna bench and probably just as moist. Great now I have to listen to dorks all day go “it’s not the heat it’s the humidity.”
Keyboarding was fine. English was okay for the first half, until I dropped my pen. I bent over to pick it up and there on the ground was a dull 1964-penny. I think I remember the guy who teachers me guitar saying once that any penny 1967 and before (as well as something called a pence) could be used as a guitar pick. Well I was short on picks so I picked it up as well as my blue Pilot. Once I popped up I noticed Cassie glaring at me.
“You’re a pervert.”
“ . . . Huh?”
“You were looking up my skirt.”
“No, I was getting my pen and this penny, seriously if I wanted to peek up your skirt I would have done it more inconspicuously.”
“You have a lot of experience with that, don’t you?”
“Yeah, guess so.”
Later Kyle told me that although I may have not been actually looking he was, I laughed it was kind of funny. Last night while closing at work the manager told me I could keep the penny I found on the ground for vacuuming. She told me that if I found it heads up then it was considered lucky. I did, but the penny I found today was heads down. Who knows, maybe that how all this other bullshit started? I was going to go to weights but I forgot my clothes to work out in so I decided tot just take an early lunch.
I read popular science in my car then went to Burger King. I ordered a bacon cheeseburger, veggie-less and chicken tenders Mmm animal parts. When I got to the window the bucktoothed fat lady their said I owed $19.99. There was no way it costs $19.99 the lady must have gotten the order mixed-up, but I had sympathy because she probably a new employee and this was something I could understand myself. When I questioned the price she slapped her forehead and apologized then went back and got me my food and charged me $3.00. I gave her the money and left. I’m not a big fan of vegetables but I will eat them, but there is one kind I just won’t eat, and to be honest you could hardly consider this a vegetable. PICKLES! I hate pickles! There were more pickles than I have ever seen on one burger before and I know I specifically said plain. I knew that if I brought it back they would exchange it but I needed to get to school before I was late to Creative Writing.
I was late anyway. When I arrived I saw Meg through the class window and she smiled and waved nicely, weird seeing as how she doesn’t have any of the same classes as me. I came in and Meg told me she was here with Ty and some other guy to take pictures of seniors. In mid sentence she yelled at Dean to stop looking at her ass, but in a playful way that meant keep looking at my ass. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and I turned forward to keep from feeling sick. Mrs. Vaughn asked us to turn in our haikus about our favorite food. I thought of the pickles and felt sick again. Then I remembered I didn’t do my homework because I worked from 3:30 – 11:30 last night because we can’t leave until all the customers go and this woman was fucking around in customer service. That was the last straw; I just got up and left. There was nothing for me to do all our since I couldn’t turn in or read my work so I decided I might as well go home.
I stopped at BK to exchange the burger. She gave me a double cheeseburger and some fries as compensation (yum, even more carbs. Atkins would be proud!) . As I was leaving I had to serve to avoid some jaywalkers who decide to c-walk (if you don’t know I’ll explain later) across the middle of street. I ended up with the front half of my car hanging over a cement curb. I couldn’t back out or drive forward because the car was balanced perfectly on its frame. I struggled with it for half and hour while the Burger King line backed up and people started honking and shouting. I was worried I’d have to call and explain to a furious father why his son was skipping class and getting his second car stuck on curbs. Luckily three guys one of which looked exactly like Jim Breuer lifted and pushed while I steered and drove off. I thanked them and left for home.
I was almost home when my day finally started to turn around. I was turning to go down 27th when I saw a voluptuous girl probably from the college near by jogging, probably to loose a few vanity pounds. As she bounced up and down the sidewalk one boob flopped out of her top. She stopped abruptly almost dropping her Walkman and tucked it back in, glanced at me who had unconsciously slowed down then took off again. It was no surprise; she was wearing tight black sweats and a matching black tank top that seamed to be the way wrong size. I guess she was so eager to match colors she forgot to find something that actually fit, or get a better bra? What was a surprise was when I caught myself grinning; Hmm, maybe Cassie was right, oh well that’s nothing to be ashamed of, I’m only human and if I absolutely must have one flaw (no it’s not modesty) being perverted isn’t so bad. I went home to enjoy my meat. (the burger - you pervert)
"When life gives you lemons, you clone them, and make super-lemons." - Scudworth
Keyboarding was fine. English was okay for the first half, until I dropped my pen. I bent over to pick it up and there on the ground was a dull 1964-penny. I think I remember the guy who teachers me guitar saying once that any penny 1967 and before (as well as something called a pence) could be used as a guitar pick. Well I was short on picks so I picked it up as well as my blue Pilot. Once I popped up I noticed Cassie glaring at me.
“You’re a pervert.”
“ . . . Huh?”
“You were looking up my skirt.”
“No, I was getting my pen and this penny, seriously if I wanted to peek up your skirt I would have done it more inconspicuously.”
“You have a lot of experience with that, don’t you?”
“Yeah, guess so.”
Later Kyle told me that although I may have not been actually looking he was, I laughed it was kind of funny. Last night while closing at work the manager told me I could keep the penny I found on the ground for vacuuming. She told me that if I found it heads up then it was considered lucky. I did, but the penny I found today was heads down. Who knows, maybe that how all this other bullshit started? I was going to go to weights but I forgot my clothes to work out in so I decided tot just take an early lunch.
I read popular science in my car then went to Burger King. I ordered a bacon cheeseburger, veggie-less and chicken tenders Mmm animal parts. When I got to the window the bucktoothed fat lady their said I owed $19.99. There was no way it costs $19.99 the lady must have gotten the order mixed-up, but I had sympathy because she probably a new employee and this was something I could understand myself. When I questioned the price she slapped her forehead and apologized then went back and got me my food and charged me $3.00. I gave her the money and left. I’m not a big fan of vegetables but I will eat them, but there is one kind I just won’t eat, and to be honest you could hardly consider this a vegetable. PICKLES! I hate pickles! There were more pickles than I have ever seen on one burger before and I know I specifically said plain. I knew that if I brought it back they would exchange it but I needed to get to school before I was late to Creative Writing.
I was late anyway. When I arrived I saw Meg through the class window and she smiled and waved nicely, weird seeing as how she doesn’t have any of the same classes as me. I came in and Meg told me she was here with Ty and some other guy to take pictures of seniors. In mid sentence she yelled at Dean to stop looking at her ass, but in a playful way that meant keep looking at my ass. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and I turned forward to keep from feeling sick. Mrs. Vaughn asked us to turn in our haikus about our favorite food. I thought of the pickles and felt sick again. Then I remembered I didn’t do my homework because I worked from 3:30 – 11:30 last night because we can’t leave until all the customers go and this woman was fucking around in customer service. That was the last straw; I just got up and left. There was nothing for me to do all our since I couldn’t turn in or read my work so I decided I might as well go home.
I stopped at BK to exchange the burger. She gave me a double cheeseburger and some fries as compensation (yum, even more carbs. Atkins would be proud!) . As I was leaving I had to serve to avoid some jaywalkers who decide to c-walk (if you don’t know I’ll explain later) across the middle of street. I ended up with the front half of my car hanging over a cement curb. I couldn’t back out or drive forward because the car was balanced perfectly on its frame. I struggled with it for half and hour while the Burger King line backed up and people started honking and shouting. I was worried I’d have to call and explain to a furious father why his son was skipping class and getting his second car stuck on curbs. Luckily three guys one of which looked exactly like Jim Breuer lifted and pushed while I steered and drove off. I thanked them and left for home.
I was almost home when my day finally started to turn around. I was turning to go down 27th when I saw a voluptuous girl probably from the college near by jogging, probably to loose a few vanity pounds. As she bounced up and down the sidewalk one boob flopped out of her top. She stopped abruptly almost dropping her Walkman and tucked it back in, glanced at me who had unconsciously slowed down then took off again. It was no surprise; she was wearing tight black sweats and a matching black tank top that seamed to be the way wrong size. I guess she was so eager to match colors she forgot to find something that actually fit, or get a better bra? What was a surprise was when I caught myself grinning; Hmm, maybe Cassie was right, oh well that’s nothing to be ashamed of, I’m only human and if I absolutely must have one flaw (no it’s not modesty) being perverted isn’t so bad. I went home to enjoy my meat. (the burger - you pervert)
"When life gives you lemons, you clone them, and make super-lemons." - Scudworth
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home