Jingle Balls, Jingle All The Way!

Crunch time is all but wrapped up. But first I do have a few loose ends to tie up. Just three finals remaining. Well four if you count Computer mastery, and I don't.

I arrived at school a few minutes late this morning, I lost my key again, damnit that get so annoying. I was concerned at first but luckily I found a parking space near the side of the school where the computer lab is. I parked, went inside and sat down and began to log on when Mrs. Hageyman scurries over and hover around me for a while.
Me: What?
Mrs. Hageyman: You were ten minutes late.
Me: No. I was eight minutes late; the second hand has just now past the nine minute mark *points at watch*
Mrs. Hageyman: Well it's been ten minutes by my watch.
Me: Uh-huh.
Mrs. Hageyman: the rules for finals week are you can't-
Me: OKAY, fine. What do you want?
Mrs. Hageyman: You have to go wait in your division by the principal's office until class is over.

So I left, but I didn't go to the division office of course. Why bother no one was going to check with teachers to see who was supposed to be there, and there was no way in hell I was going to sit around and twiddle my thumbs for an entire hour and a half. No sir, I was gonna twiddle something else. I decided that Mrs. hag had pissed me off for the last time. I have been planning to ejaculate in her coffee for a long time now and today was the day it was going to happen. As Jason would say I'm going to give her a double latte. I trudged down the hallway until I reached the bathroom, the one by the band room. The orchestra or whoever was in there was playing Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. I had to laugh, how appropriate. I found an empty stall, thankfully most are clean early in the school day. and sat down, then dropped my pants. That's when I heard an announcement from Principal V******, he said that there would be faculty members sweeping the halls looking for students who were supposed to go to the office but were just standing around in the halls. I wasn't concerned. The faculty members would probably check the bathrooms too (no one is allowed to go to the bathroom during finals) but no one would bug me as long as my pants could be seen dropped by my feet under the stall. What the hell were they going to say? "Hey you, the one taking a shit. Excuse me but could you uh, come with us?". I could see it right now the faculty, probably that short fat white woman (Jason and I call her Kirby because she looks the video game character) and the fat old black dude (think Shaq in oh, 30 years) were probably outside rounding up students with their gay secret service reject looking earpieces in place. Anyway, it didn't matter I was safe to do my business. The problem with ejaculation via masturbation is one females may not be aware of. I think it could expressed in terms of a mathematical function c = (X)t. The amount of semen you're able to cum is proportional to the amount of time you have to jack off and the hardcore rating of the porn. I did not have any porn. All I had were two wallet size senior photos of two relatively hot girls in my Myth class. *Sigh* If only I had had one of Veronica's, this would have taken HALF the time. Of course they're going in the yearbook so none of them were nude shots. Though I could see the bra strap on Carol's left shoulder and that gave me something for my imagination to work with while conCOCKting a sexual fantasy. The picture of Carol went from head to toe showing off her young naturally slim body. I could see her B cup breast pressing into the thin fabric of her black sweater. The picture, like almost all the senior girls' photographs, had been taken in the park on some of the new playground equipment. Carol was posing on a blue slide with her legs spread, slightly. The other picture, the one of Lindsey was of her face only, she has a beautiful face. A much prettier one than Carol but . I'm thankful that the picture was of her face only though, she is one of those girls who looks good but only from the neck up. Sort of a reverse butter face. I stared intensely at these pictures and focused my mind on forming a sexy idea I could work from. I masturbated for almost the entire hour and ejaculated into the McDonald's napkin I had left over from lunch yesterday. It practice that normally only took 10 minutes was stretched out over an hour. That's what soft core photographs will do to you. I even started getting bored and going limp on a few occasions and once when two guys came into the bathroom and began talking loudly lost concentration all together. But I wasn't about to loose. I was a man on a mission.

Loud Guy 1: I can't believe how cold it is out there dawg, I'm freezing my ass off!
Loud Guy 2: Fuckin' A. There's no way I'm going to Auto Shop, I don't want to have to go back outside to get to the garage.
Loud guy: You gonna skip that final Dawg?
Loud Guy 2: Hell yeah, I don't really need it anyway. I have an A in that class. I'm an Auto ace.

There was a pause in the "conversation" followed by the sound of two guys pissing like horses into the urinals then flushing and parting ways. It was really annoying. They had to come in an interrupted me during the best part. Carol and I were lying on the slide naked intertwined in each other’s arms, her tongue my mouth my hand on her back, the other between her legs....
Anyway my work was done.

Now came the fun part planting the seed. Operation STARBUCKS was underway. At least that's what I thought, the plan was to put it in the coffee but that would never work 1) because the coffee was INSIDE the class room and 2) because the semen was too far absorbed into the paper napkin to drip anymore, not without sticking the whole napkin in the coffee an that would be too obvious. I had blown my load 5 minutes prior to the bell ringing. At the end and beginning of every class period. Mrs. Hageyman stood outside the door with her hand on the door handle wait for the bell to ring so she could immediately slam the door close and write down anyone who was stranded outside as late. All teachers are technically required to wait out side a monitor the halls, help break up fights and such. But most choose to stay at their desk and prepare for the next class to start. Hageyman is really the only one who does this. So before class started I crept up to the door, ducking beneath the window and smeared my jism all over the door handle. It wasn't as cool as the coffee but it would suffice for revenge. Mrs. Hageyman's office is sandwiched in between her classroom and Crockett/Smith's room. The coffee was inside the computer lab classroom with Mrs. Hageyman. But her keyboard was in the office between the rooms. I walked into Crockett's class, which was empty and said hello. He said hello back politely but did not look up from his USA today. I walked into the office and smeared cum all over the keyboard too. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. I strode out of the room past Crock. I took a disk with me to make it seem as if that was all I had come back for. SCORE!

After that little incident I moved on to Mythology to take the final. It was strange sitting in that class between Carol and Lindsey, if only they knew what I had spent the hour before doing. Creepy, yes? The test itself was surprisingly quite challenging; even with the note card she allowed us to use. It was mostly over general mythology concepts and it also had plenty of vocabulary. Some of it's pretty interesting. Ill add a list of some of the words to this blog so I can remember them and maybe use them in the future.

Next was Foods 2. I took the final, it was easy. Mostly over nutrition and cooking methods that we had thankfully used often enough that they would be difficult to forget now.

Then I went to the Library and put away books as usual. No final in that class. I can't wait till New Years Eve. I'm planning a follow up revenge to top things off with that hag of a man. I'm going to light a bag full of burning dog shit on her doorstep. All I have to doo is scoop up some of Rockies little "brownies" and grab some matches and I'm all set. Hell I might even add one of my own. We'll have a goddamn bake sale! However whether or not I pull this off will depend on how angry and awake I am when the time comes. For now this is enough. I know that technically a lot of her bitchiness is my fault. If I got up ten minutes earlier and always put my stuff in the same place.....Well it doesn't really matter. Everyone I've talked to hates her, and they all have their own reasons. Even on the days I do everything right she's a bitch to work with and a poor excuse for a teacher. She deserves it. It wasn't revenge, it was retributive justice.

Till next year Mrs. H. Well never mind, I'll be long gone.
"Does anyone else think it's strange that the cylops lives in cave alone? With sheep." - class remark regarding Homer's Oddessy.


Olde Comments, spelled with an 'e' for no reason
Well Nathan that's a little scary, but all things set aside, I'm laughing here like a dumb shit ahahahahahaha good times good times
Rochelle | 12.22.04 - 6:02 am | #

Well a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do. I considered leaving that part out but why? It's my blog, and I gave readers fair warning.
lsob | 12.23.04 - 1:44 am | #

Haha I know; and i like it! btw i told my sister and she laughed her ass off too haha
Rochelle | 12.23.04 - 4:17 am | #

Oh. My. God. That was justice alright. You are one sick genius.
jessica | 12.23.04 - 4:48 am | #

Ahahahahhah. Best. Post. Ever.

Here, LSOB, have a trophy! I'm going to buy you a pizza!
Faye | Email | Homepage | 12.23.04 - 5:05 am | #

Ha ha, can you imagine what would be on the trophy? A gold man sitting on a toilet...

Mmmm, pizza! Pepperoni?
lsob | 12.24.04 - 3:54 am | #