My First Kiss, unsafe at ANY speed.
I'd like to think I'm a good driver but I guess that's not really true. While playing video games like Grand Theft Auto I've noticed most people follow all the driving rules and drive in an orderly manner. It's as if they don't realize its just a game. I remember hearing once that the quickest way to any given point is a straight line; so while playing I usually just drive straight there, through property, through cars, and over people if necessary. In the game you can run over someone and if you dry away fast enough you'll never get caught. In real life there are always witnesses. Also you never cry (figuratively of course) about wrecking your vehicle. First because you stole it, and secondly because you don't have to worry about police reports or insurance claims.
Anyway like I was saying, I'm not the best driver. I could probably careful if I wanted to but most of the time it's just not practical, and while I've never killed anyone or damaged any property (up until now) I realize I could stand to be more considerate. I usually speed through the neighborhood at around 50 mph. I make a conscious effort to stay under 70 when houses are near by. There is always this geriatric in front of his house near the intersection of Brenwood and Fair Lawn. Who is either raking leaves or changing the light bulb in his lamp post who usually looks up at me and shakes his head slowly with a chagrin grin on his face. I passed him and the intersection and prepared to merge on to the interstate (it's smooth sailing from there to Main street) when suddenly I dropped my Trick Daddy CD.
I reached down for a second to grab it and when I looked up I was about two inches from a cement median strip. I slammed on the breaks and skid up onto the median strip and about halfway across it; two wheels on the ground, two on on the strip. One sign bent at a 90* angle beneath my Volvo. I got out to asses the damage, lucky for me nothing seemed broken (except for the sign) I poured some Dr. Pepper (breakfast on a busy day) on the windshield to clear the ice that was forming then I got back in and put the car in reverse. I backed off the median strip and drove on to I-70. Not much happened at school, just a lot of frantic studying and reviewing for finals. I went home then realized I forgot my Chemistry text book so I had to turn around and head back to school.
I was leaving the neighborhood for the interstate again when I got caught behind this old man. It was THE old man. He was moving incredibly slow, not just slow like, slow. Slow like this is unrealistic, clearly the man is trying to mess with your head slow. He was probably creeping along at 1 or 2 MPH. I knew why, he had seen me speeding and now figured he would teach me a lesson or something. At first I was patient, after all, I kind of deserved it; but after half a mile I was starting to get pissed off. I had to light a fire under this geezer's ass. At lunch I sometimes rode with Joe and Ty, while Ike, Rob, and Dean were in the other car. For a time we found it amusing to gently ram the other person's car, then lurch forward, switch places and do it again. We stopped after a while because I think someone's car started taking damage. So to speed up this guy I decided to give him a little "kiss" I took my foot off the break pedal and accelerated (just a lil' bit) and let our bumpers momentarily kiss each other. I thought it would be just a gentle tap but I was surprised to find the impact nearly knocked me out of my seat. He stopped. I stopped. He got out looked at his car then walked over to my side of the car. I rolled down my window.
Old Dude: What the heck were you doing?!
Me: What the heck were YOU doing?
Old Guy: I was driving to Wal-Mart. At a reasonable speed.
Me: You were moving like a snail in molasses.
Old Guy: *just stares at me like I'm impossibly rude or insane*
Me: Don't worry that will probably buff right out. C-ya. *backs up, then quickly drives around him*
He just had a few scratches and tiny dents on his plastic, metal, or composite whatever bumper. I have a black rubber one so you can't really see the damage on my car. So that's it, my first "kiss" was with an old due in a champagne colored Buick. Sorry if you thought this would be a romantic post. Chances are you aren't going to see too much of those. I have a magnetic effect on the women I like. If both magnets have like poles facing. I hope that man doesn't know where I live. I WILL try to be more careful in the future. I'll even stop the wide turns. I've had my fun.
OLD COMMENTS
Omigaw what a bitch, the one that said, shut the fuck up and sign my pass cuz i gots to go. I would have just left it blank! hahaha
Anyhow i am not loving the university time, but i have one more exam left which means 5 out of my 6 courses are DONE. Nate, do NOT take 6 courses in the first term of university. It is... rather unpleasant.
Rochelle | 12.16.04 - 6:33 pm | #
talk about a misleading headline! dr. pepper = yummy goodness (this coming from a girl who has sworn off pop for 3 years)
jessica | 12.19.04 - 6:54 pm | #
How could you swear off pop? Hell, why would you?
lsob | 12.20.04 - 7:44 pm | #
Anyway like I was saying, I'm not the best driver. I could probably careful if I wanted to but most of the time it's just not practical, and while I've never killed anyone or damaged any property (up until now) I realize I could stand to be more considerate. I usually speed through the neighborhood at around 50 mph. I make a conscious effort to stay under 70 when houses are near by. There is always this geriatric in front of his house near the intersection of Brenwood and Fair Lawn. Who is either raking leaves or changing the light bulb in his lamp post who usually looks up at me and shakes his head slowly with a chagrin grin on his face. I passed him and the intersection and prepared to merge on to the interstate (it's smooth sailing from there to Main street) when suddenly I dropped my Trick Daddy CD.
I reached down for a second to grab it and when I looked up I was about two inches from a cement median strip. I slammed on the breaks and skid up onto the median strip and about halfway across it; two wheels on the ground, two on on the strip. One sign bent at a 90* angle beneath my Volvo. I got out to asses the damage, lucky for me nothing seemed broken (except for the sign) I poured some Dr. Pepper (breakfast on a busy day) on the windshield to clear the ice that was forming then I got back in and put the car in reverse. I backed off the median strip and drove on to I-70. Not much happened at school, just a lot of frantic studying and reviewing for finals. I went home then realized I forgot my Chemistry text book so I had to turn around and head back to school.
I was leaving the neighborhood for the interstate again when I got caught behind this old man. It was THE old man. He was moving incredibly slow, not just slow like, slow. Slow like this is unrealistic, clearly the man is trying to mess with your head slow. He was probably creeping along at 1 or 2 MPH. I knew why, he had seen me speeding and now figured he would teach me a lesson or something. At first I was patient, after all, I kind of deserved it; but after half a mile I was starting to get pissed off. I had to light a fire under this geezer's ass. At lunch I sometimes rode with Joe and Ty, while Ike, Rob, and Dean were in the other car. For a time we found it amusing to gently ram the other person's car, then lurch forward, switch places and do it again. We stopped after a while because I think someone's car started taking damage. So to speed up this guy I decided to give him a little "kiss" I took my foot off the break pedal and accelerated (just a lil' bit) and let our bumpers momentarily kiss each other. I thought it would be just a gentle tap but I was surprised to find the impact nearly knocked me out of my seat. He stopped. I stopped. He got out looked at his car then walked over to my side of the car. I rolled down my window.
Old Dude: What the heck were you doing?!
Me: What the heck were YOU doing?
Old Guy: I was driving to Wal-Mart. At a reasonable speed.
Me: You were moving like a snail in molasses.
Old Guy: *just stares at me like I'm impossibly rude or insane*
Me: Don't worry that will probably buff right out. C-ya. *backs up, then quickly drives around him*
He just had a few scratches and tiny dents on his plastic, metal, or composite whatever bumper. I have a black rubber one so you can't really see the damage on my car. So that's it, my first "kiss" was with an old due in a champagne colored Buick. Sorry if you thought this would be a romantic post. Chances are you aren't going to see too much of those. I have a magnetic effect on the women I like. If both magnets have like poles facing. I hope that man doesn't know where I live. I WILL try to be more careful in the future. I'll even stop the wide turns. I've had my fun.
OLD COMMENTS
Omigaw what a bitch, the one that said, shut the fuck up and sign my pass cuz i gots to go. I would have just left it blank! hahaha
Anyhow i am not loving the university time, but i have one more exam left which means 5 out of my 6 courses are DONE. Nate, do NOT take 6 courses in the first term of university. It is... rather unpleasant.
Rochelle | 12.16.04 - 6:33 pm | #
talk about a misleading headline! dr. pepper = yummy goodness (this coming from a girl who has sworn off pop for 3 years)
jessica | 12.19.04 - 6:54 pm | #
How could you swear off pop? Hell, why would you?
lsob | 12.20.04 - 7:44 pm | #
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