Determination

Fire Park

The New Dark Ages

I can see it now; I'll be one of those hairy guys standing on a box or a crate in some big city. I'll shake a can and ranting, desperately hoping someone will hear me. Flash-forward a few years, maybe my big gnarly beard has grayed over time. I'll be tied to a stake somewhere about to be set aflame as some sort of clergy man reads a passage from the NewEST Testament of President Bush's Holy Bible.

I like imagery, sue me.

Anyway where was I going with this? Oh that's right. Everyone around me is extremely religious in one way or another, except for me. It's odd, it's starting to freak me out, and it may get me into some trouble down the line.

Back in T-town the vast majority of my friends were agnostic. Here I live with mostly Orthodox Jews and a few hyper evangelical (the result of being marooned?) Christians.

A couple days ago I realized that one of my new suitemates, Andy was the president of some organization for open minded agnostics on campus (though I'm fairly certain he's an atheist). About the same time I discovered this, I found out that a guest speaker would be visiting our campus to provide evidence in support of the intelligent design theory. As expected, the majority of the students going to see this guest speaker were devout Christians. I was curious about what the guy had to say but the idea of being surrounded by so many automatons frightened me. Some Christians claim to be open minded, but let's face it; there are two types of Christians that attended this event.

A) The Christians who will believe everything "Jimmy Jesuslover" has to say without any doubt whatsoever.
And
B) The Christians who are thinkers, they will listen to what "Christopher Christlover" has to say; then judge for themselves whether or not the speaker's words have any value. BUT, in the end their belief is always the same. Christianity is 100% true. It doesn't matter whether or not they believe the speaker is a genius prophet or some dipshit full of crap. The end result is always the same.

It's like washing your hands with liquid soap one day, and then using a bar the next. If your hands get equally clean with both methods; and they both take the same amount of time? Why bother investigating new ways to cleanse yourself if you know things will turn out exactly the same? It's not as if your going to discover a better, cleaner, faster way to do it (like say hand sanitizer?). You're just fucking around. Maybe these Christians actually believe they have the capability to change their minds. Maybe they don't realize how deep into their faith they've gone and every time they arrive back at the same conclusion it's just a reoccurring surprise for them? Like, oh no shit? I still believe the same stuff after that insightful lecture? Who'da thunk it.

Back to my story: I was eating dinner with my friend Isa, from Nigeria. He asked me what my plans were from the evening and I told him I was going to see the proponent of Intelligent Design speak at the auditorium. Isa perked up the way all Christians do when they think they've discovered a fellow crusader or possible recruit. I gulped (was it mental or physical? Can't recall but it was definitely a gulp). You see what I didn't tell my African friend was that I had planned to go with Andy's group. Now that Isa realized I was interested he proposed that I go with his campus crusaders to hear the man speak. I agreed. It would have been rude not to, He was my friend and I had not yet informed my neighbor Andy of my intention to go with him. First come first serve right? Wrong. Now I was locked in, I could slip out of all Christian student meetings from now on if I chose but that would make me seem like a flake. Nobody wants to be friend with a fake or a dishonest asshole. So this was it. The beginning of my new Sunday evening activity from now until the end of the semester. I've always believed that people should stick to their guns; I've also always believed that secular humanism is the best way to go. However if I were to back out of this little Christian group that I graciously accepted the opportunity to join it would seem as if I was doing anything but sticking to my guns. I'd seem like a lazy piece of shit. I wouldn't blame them for thinking that way either.

So I went to hear the speaker. He said a bunch of bullshit that I didn't agree with. He also invited the audience to ask questions or make comments. At first, no one did. I too fell victim to the Spiral of Silence. How could I stir up commotion and risk turning new friends into new enemies. After some prodding a guy in the back spoke up to say things in support of the speaker. A little while later, a few people made some vague supportive comments or just rephrased what the first guy said. No one challenged the speaker. Why should they? Everyone agreed; and even if they hadn't he was an authority figure and most people are not comforting challenging authority, especially if they know they have no back up. I'm no exception, most of the time either. It was just scary because during Nobel Week tons of people raised their hands to ask the visiting professor/scientist questions. A lot of them were dumb questions. Okay most. But people weren't afraid to ask them. Unlike Christianity, science promotes free thinking and the exchange of ideas. This is a good thing. Don't believe me? Then ask yourself why churches continually need to branch off and mutate into new forms of religions (Episcopalian, Baptist, Mormon, catholic, Raylien, etc.) lol it's because Christianity (and most other religions) are throwback to simpler times and simpler people (don't start feeling nostalgic this is a bad thing!) It's a vestigial social construct.

Here's some of the stuff The Speaker said:

If God didn't create the universe the Bible has no value.
1. My response: Balderdash! It doesn't matter if God exist or not. The Bible is an important part of humanity's history. People lived and died over what were written in it's pages. It has had a tremendous effect on worldwide culture and from a humanist perspective have many great values and life lessons for one to learn regardless of whether or not it is the word of god or bunch of clever authors who lived thousands of years ago.

2. If there is no God and God didn't create the universe that basically makes man God.
No it doesn't. Human did not create the universe. Ergo humans, no matter how advanced our technology gets will never become "Gods". Everybody knows this and unless there is some bizarre StarGate-esque conspiracy I am unaware of this is fact.

3. The "Timepiece Analogy" is wrong.
For those who don't know The Speaker was referring to an analogy proposed by some English guy (I think) basically it's this. God is like a watch manufacturer. He created the universe (the watch) the works by following certain scientific law, which we may discover (the watch has gears inside that interact to make the watch work) and because we can see the watch, and see that the watch is functioning, AND that it is complex we know that someone intelligent was responsible for engineering it's existence. Now you may be asking yourself, how does this conflict with the conservative Christian view? It conflicts because the analogy begins by stating you discover the watch left alone in a field. This suggests that after the watch was created it was abandoned and now God simply watches it tick. Most Christians hate this theory because it would mean is god no longer involved in their lives and all the praying and church attendance won't do jack shit because God has taken the day off. If I personally had to decide I would go with my own theory: I think that maybe God does leave the watch alone. He only messes with every now and then; say to adjust for daylight savings time. It doesn't seem like a long time for him but for us it's millennia because our perception of time is different. I won't commit to that belief but I think it's the best one if you must believe in a god. For example maybe the last time God set his watch back an hour he brought us Jesus. All time sense his death has been lassiez faire. The Bible says this is not the case but then I have never considered The Bible to be entirely factual. I don't think most people would agree with me. No surprise. Why should Christians believe The Timepiece Model, or My Occasion Interference (The Sims, Bender from That Episode of Futurama, Sim City, and Ant Farm-Fish Tank) Model? It's not very fun. It's more fun to believe some benevolent higher power plays a role in your life shaping your existence at every twist and turn. It's easier to entice people if they think they have the opportunity to change their lives with a little help from Bruce Almighty.

4. Faith and Knowledge operate on different levels. You should go with Faith.
Faith sucks. I've never understood it's attraction. Let’s do something unorthodox and think about faith. Faith is the glue of many world religions. But what the hell IS it? Faith is the ability to confidently believe in something despite a lack of evidence in something or existing evidence to the contrary. The Speaker said that while it is good to think with our heads, we should think with our hearts when it is appropriate. Um, okay; but do you honestly think the creation of the universe is something we should "know with our hearts" instead of at least attempt to know with our heads first? I'm mean lets face it, the heart is stupid. It does two things well, lets blood in, and pushes blood out. Or if your heart is like mine generates some pretty trippy rave beats. This morning I missed the bus to my Psych class; so I decided to drive to class. I go to college. Yeah, I'll wait for you to stop laughing. As anyone who has driven on college campuses will tell you this is a futile act. All of the parking spots were taken. Every last one. Also, when I got back to where I had left from my original spot had been taken too. Why didn't I just wait for the next bus? A guy in the lobby told me that he thought 'maybe the buses were running late' I didn't know this guy. I wasn't sure where he got his info from. But I had faith. Oh what a wonderful gift that was. As I circled the lot waiting for someone to back out I saw three buses pass by me. I knew parking was difficult at 10am. I had no good reason to assume the guy was right. But my faith in this stranger, or my lack of faith in the university bus system screwed me over. I realize having faith in a mode of transportation seems to have little to do with having faith in God. However, you must of at one time had a similar experience in your life . . . . . at that time didn't you think "Damn if only I had followed my head and not my gut!" In most cases when you act on faith you fuck up. In real life if Indiana Jones had tried to cross that chasm in The Last Crusade on faith alone he would have fallen to his death. I'm not saying there aren't times when faith isn't a better way to go but most of the time, it is.

Despite this people still rant and rave "Oh you've just GOTTA have faith!" "Faith, that's what religion is all about!" Fuck faith. We don't really need it. Well, not blind faith anyway, which is what religion is.

Hey we've all had a time in our lives when we thought God intervened to change our fate. Doesn't mean that was the case. God may exist and god may be benevolent but I'm sure he has better things to do, like building another parallel universe where everything and everyone is made of ice cream.

Maybe it's just me but I can't help but feel that over the years increasing numbers of people have come to rely on faith instead of practical knowledge. The effects of such could be absolutely disastrous. Christians love fire and brimstone. Imagine if Firefighters just had faith a fire would put itself out? What if the CDC just had faith God would protect al those worthy of salvation so quarantines and disease research were not necessary. Maybe I'm going too far, faith does not necessarily equate laziness but it still has dangerous side effects.

The speaker also said if there is no god than all that life is about is one time pleasures.
Yeah? So what. I realize no one wants to cease to exist but if you spend your whole life preparing for an afterlife that probably isn't there you've really screwed the pooch. Look, no one buys a ticket to a movie, sits down in the theater and then expects to be incessantly entertained. All good things come to and end. Sad, but true. Make the most of the time you had and spend it doing stuff you love with the people you love. If you want an ultimate purpose in life try to treat others as you would like to be treated and try to leave the world better than you found it. Then at least once you're worm food other will get to have fun too, maybe more than you did. It's just like cleaning up after a party. No god does not = no responsibility. If you need to believe in a God to convince you to be a good citizen and contribute positively to society then you're immature and need to grow up. Heavenly Father. I can't imagine a more perfect title. A heavenly father for people who never grew up and still need an authoritative father to make sure they don't make a mess of things.

A little faith can be just what people need sometimes to lift their spirits, but it shouldn't be your life crutch. God gave you a brain. Use it more. Too much faith could lead us back to the Stone Age. Faith is just a big bad gamble. Oh, and in case you have noticed, gambling is a risky addiction.

Says so in the Bible. I think. . .

Jake: Wow, God just saved my ass!
Me: How?
Jake: I needed this book for an English class and I got the last one from the book store!

Odessa: So how has your day been?
Me: Not so great actually. . .
Odessa: Aw, how come?
Me: Well, OH LOOK A PENNY!
Odessa: :) that's good luck.
Me: God must want me to be happy!

Maybe we can't help but believe in god. . .

Toyota's Got it!

yep...

Soda? No.

I came up with a new idea for a pop brand. I haven't decided if I want to call it Dr. Salt, Phd or Mr. Salt, or Mr. Salty.

What I do know is this: The can will resemble the Dr. Pepper can. The "pop" will just be carbonated salt water from the Dead Sea. When you drink this beverage, you will get fucked up; you will go completely batshit insane, and then die horribly. Also, if the product sells well I may later add cherry or vanilla flavoring to it. Untill then, it's just unsweetened, unflavored salt water.

COME ON EVERYONE, INVEST WITH ME!

I've also started my own clothing line. You know those tacky velour sweat pants girls wear that say 'JUICY' on the back? I'm selling jeans that say 'hard' on the front for guys. I'm also thinking about making an improvement upon an existing type of pants for the ladies. The ones I'm putting out will say 'pink' on the front as opposed to the back. On the back I will print 'brown'. It's more accurate that way, unless a woman just has a really really long pussy that curves up her butt crack and envelops her a-hole.

New Post

paper mo

Faith & Reason

Current Events

I'm still not sure about where I will live next year. I wouldn't mind living here in the private dormitory again the campus housing is beginning to look more and more appealing. The student housing provided by the university include five buildings, three of which have been renovated and a fourth is being revamped at the moment. Also, it would be cheaper to live on campus. Although I do live on camps now, it's not technically considered part of the school.

The RAs held a meeting tonight to discuss several changes to the building policies. Changes include: residents no longer allowed to take food or drinks from the cafeteria; No open containers of alcohol in public spaces (pissed off many people!). There were two other things but I can't remember what they were. I don't think they had anything to do with me so I kinda stopped paying attention. Plus I was distracted because one of my suitemates was asking me a bunch of questions and getting all up in my grill. He's an okay guy, I mean we've been playing tennis together regular and that's cool because I've wanted to get better at that game but geez don't they have personal bubbles in Korea?

Actually the alcohol ban really doesn't affect me either. I don't drink at all. I do however enjoy watching other people get hammered. It's fun seeing the ladies get dressed up then stagger back in to the dorm around 2am with there boobs hanging out. Yeah. . . . .I'm gonna miss that. At least there will be fewer holes in the walls.

I was invited to join yet ANOTHER pyramid scheme. What is it with colleges and pyramid schemes? It didn't sound like such a bad deal, really. I just couldn't afford they're entry fee right now.

I saw Odessa in the computer lab flirting up a storm with this one guy. She saw me and waved and I did too before bailing. I felt like I was going to vomit. Doesn't make sense, initially I was not even remotely interested in her. She wasn't even on my radar screen. But the more and more time we spent together the more I liked her. Why do I fall for every girl that is even a little nice to me?

Dubbya @ K-State

George Bush visited our rival school today. . . I saw a clip on him getting pwn3d by this education question. I wonder why he didn't come here. I'm sure all 3 members of the campuse conservatives would have supported him.

Those new Trojan commercial suck ass.

I know, that was completely unrelated.

Okasy

I went to a Habitat for Humanity meeting on Friday. If all goes according to plan I'll spend part of this coming spring break helping to build a house down south.

I also attended my first Psychology and precalculus class. My teacher in the latter is the hottest geek or the geekiest hottie I've ever met. It's going to be very difficult concentrating in that class with priapism.

I also attended this Lecture by Frank Wilczek, the guy who helped discover QCD. It was pretty interesting. He talked about ways in which the universe is strange. For example: how particles obtain their mass from massless particles. . . . . or something along those lines.

I used a bunch of coupons to get really cheap pizzas at Domino's. The guys working there were drunk because they drinking everclear. That's fine so long as none of them is the delivery boy.

>

Why is there no eHow article providing instructions how to commit suicide?

Update

For some reason three of the four pictures I decided to post from my Arizona trip failed to upload. I'll keep working on that and hopefully I'll have them up soon.

I also need to update this blog regarding the last two days. I've been busier than usual and I've doing some pretty interesting stuff.

But right now I going to bed. I just thought that if I started this post I would be more likely to finish it later.

NO RLY???

After watching the Family Guy I decided to do a Google search for one of the pop culture refrences on the show: Time The Cheese Guy. I typed in one of his quotes but half of the search results turned out to be gay porn, or porn for chicks. I guess this is because it had the word 'hunk' in it. Though I must admit I've never heard a girl call a guy a hunk before. And I've certainly never heard one say she had a "hankering for a hunk"

"I hanker for a hunk-a A slab or slice or chunk-a I hanker for a hunk-a CHEESE!"

"I hanker for a hunk of, A slab, a slice, a chunk of, A snack that is a winner,
And yet won't spoil my dinner! I hanker for a hunk of cheese! Ya-hoo!"

"When your get up and go has gone up and went you hanker for a hunk-a CHEESE!"

"I just smoked a whole bunch-a crack!"

http://timerthecheeseguy.ytmnd.com/

Settling In Again

I'm back in my dorm. Purchased all the books for my second semester class. Watched the Skeleton Key and Constant Gardner. Both were a lot better than I had previously expected.

Okay I just realized something

You know the drink Mellow Yellow

"If it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down"

the drink is named after piss man! ha ha but I love that stuff. It's lemony

Back From Arizona

I'm back from my short stay in AZ. Took some okay pics in Scottsdale, Phoenix, Mesa, Tempe, and Flagstaff. Also got some great shots of the Grand Canyon, Camel Back Mountain, and our hotel. Lots of Cacti too. I'll upload them eventually.

It was a lot more comfortable than my last visit about 10 years ago, but then that was in August so not much of a surprise there.

The people there seem pretty friendly, it was really dry because it hasn't rained in 90 days.

They call Hardee's Carl's Jr.

Brushing and Scraping

I realized this morning while showering that everytime I go out, even if it's just to the bank or something that I get ready each time as if it was a date or something. Everything but the AXE spray.

I guess it's because I pretty much have no social life. I'm not complaining, it's just something I noticed. Misty and Odessa both left messages saying I should call them and I still have Tiffany's number scrawled down somewhere but I just don't feel like calling. For some reason it feels like it would be a lot of work and I'm not convinced there's any point to putting forth the effort.

I went to the dentist today. The dental hygienist said I had "beautiful teeth" and Dr. M said I that during my next appointment I should send in some of my friends that actual need dental work. I think he is my favorite doctor. I have a few more doctors than most people, Dr. M is one of the normal ones. Normal type of doctors, not normal people.

Strangely after he said that Gillian walked into the waiting room and sat down next to me. I think she needed to have some cavities filled. We talked for a few minutes and I found out she goes to school in Alabama now. This is the second time I've bumped into her over break. I saw her and a friend at BN a few weeks ago.

That smile of hers still manages to stiffen parts of me. I want to have sex with almost every girl I know. I like to think I see the best in people, I guess that's true because I can usually find some quality about a chick that will make me want to fuck her. I never do though. Ever. . . . . that's probably why I'm chronically horny.

I thought about seeing a movie today, either Munich or Brokeback Mountain (before it gets pulled here). I just found out that a video game version of King Kong has been released along with the movie. I wonder if they'll make a video game version of any of these movies. I can see it now; it would be like a mix between the Sims and Harvest Moon. Brokeback Mountain: The Video Game for Xbox!

I saw Y Tu Mama Tambien last night. It was basically like a Mexican version of Chasing Amy. I didn't really enjoy it. I like a few parts, at the beginning when one of the characters "lost" her passport, and when they were trying to get directions to Heaven's Mouth beach from their stoner buddy. I would rate it 6 or 7 out of 10.

Yuck

There's a reason microwave ovens aren't used to cook waffles.

Damn, I wish Smtih allowed us to have toasters in our dorm rooms.

It's going to take forever to get this burnt Ego smell out o f here.

Damn I wish they allowed scented candles.

Post Title

I've decided to apply for a job on campus. My savings have lasted longer than I expected but cash is beginning to get tight.

It's something I've been putting off for a while but I just completed the first application online. With any luck I should know by February if I get the position.

What Should I Do

I had a great sleep last night. I was comfortable and dreamt of an odd looking man with a very large chin. He told me that he and his daughter had come back in time from the year 3005 to view one of their earlier ancestors.

I told the man and his daughter that they could not be distant relatives of mine because they look nothing like me.

The man said "in 1000 years" no looks like their great-great-great etc. Parents." He also told me that he was descended from children my brother had, and I never had any offspring.

Then I woke up.

The first thing I thought was: Wow, I'm awake and I feel refreshed instead of . . . Not so refreshed.

The second thing I thought was: Chloe is dead. She'll never smell another flower, never smell another fart. Never take another warm bath, never take another cold shower. Never have another good night sleep. That's sad. That could be you, too.

So I sprang up and began to living the day to its fullest.

I had two slices of left over pizza, and Gatorade for breakfast.

Then I looked at pornography on the internet. I'm bored.

No one else has moved back in yet. I think the only people on the 9th floor are me, the RA, and the Korean Political Science major who moved in a little while ago (aka Guy Who's TV IS TOO LOUD)

I thought about going over and talking to him but what would I say? "Hi, I'm Nathan. I'm bored, and your TV is too loud. So hows it hangin'?"

Nah....I'm not a people person. Plus he's weird. I'm weird too I guess. Everyone is weird. Last night I watched a John Cusak movie from the '80s about a wild and crazy guy who tries to hook up with a studious girl in college. It was REALLY boring. Also, john Cusak is weird. Looks like a mime.

Orange juice.

What Can I Say?

My triumphant return to blogging a few days ago was cut short by a bad case of food poisoning. For a while all I could do was vomit and I could hardly get out of bed.

I'm afraid that's more than I can say for one of my childhood friends. Just got a phone call from Mom, she told me that Chloe died in a car accident on her way back to college. It's really sad, to say the least. She was one of the most genuinely nicest people I've met, and growing up she made me smile with her silliness. That wasn't always easy, I think I was a disturbed kid. It just seems like such a waste of life, and it couldn't have happened to a kinder soul. Chloe isn't the first childhood friend I've lost (2nd); but she is the closest.

We lost contact a few years ago, until recently when I discovered her Facebook profile at a university I didn't expect. It's scary to think she'll never read the e-mail I sent her.

So unfair to her parents......

You just don't expect these things to happen. Not. Ever.

shit.

Back to Blogging

I've been really busy the last couple of days. Actually I'm busy most days, but my reason for not posting recently was because of a good reason. No internet access. I was at my grandparents home in Wichita. Mom and I tried to setup an old computer of my grandfathers so that he could use dial-up AOL to access the internet; but for whatever reason the modem wasn't working. None of the drivers seemed to work with it.

I never realized how much time I spent surfing the web until it was gone. I found myself wondering what to do with my time. I decided to read a different medium. I read MIT's Technology Review, Newsweek, Popular Mechanics, and Entertainment Weekly cover to cover. I even got part way into a book titled "A Night in Lisbon" an interesting story set during World War 2. The inside of the book told me that it was due back to Wichita's public library sometime back in the 1970's but I was glad whoever had checked it out hadn't bothered to return it.

So basically I spent my time absorbing any text that was interesting ie not religion or health related (like I give a fuck about studies regarding consumption of fish oil). I read basically from the time the rooster crowed in the morning (yes, there actually was a rooster) to sunset. I also hung out with Grandpa and watched some TV with him. I sent some time with Grandma too when she wasn't saying weird stuff that creeped me out. At times she is convinced that it is the 40's and she still goes to college in Oklahoma or that I am Mom's cousin and not her son. Weird.

We came back to Topeka, and then I returned to Lawrence from there. So yeah, spent a lot of time on the road. In about a week I'll be leaving to visit Arizona for a few days. We'll see Phoenix, Scottsdale, Mesa, and the grand canyon. It's a lot crammed into just four days, especially considering it's not an actual vacation; we're just tagging along with Martin while he attends a conference there.