NOOOOOO! Eh, whatever.

I had a spotless record up until this point! A post every evening, but now that level of continuity has ceased. Oh well, things were starting look half assed. I was so concerned with getting back to whatever I was doing that I treated blog post more like a trip to the bathroom during a commercial break. Not a lot of thought went into them, and I did a really half-assed job. From now on I’m going to sit down and make sure I finish each blog post from start to finish rather than just leaving a place to return to later, and then never returning. I’d like to say that I am turning over a new leaf but who knows what I’ll feel like doing tomorrow. I know I won’t give up blogging completely though because I’ve kept this log for several months, writing more about anything than I have ever done before. It’s helped me to realize just how much of my life I’ve wasted doing stuff I absolutely don’t give a shit about. As I look back over these archives I find nothing that sparks any sort of interest or seems even worth mentioning. A shame really, I don’t think it does my personality justice.

Anyway, enough bitching. Here is what I did today: I went to a 7:30 dental appointment and spoke to the (mouth surgeon?) about getting my lower third molars removed, the top one seem like they may be fine, for now. That sucks, some people don’t even have to get theirs removed. I liked idea of having more teeth for some reason. Not for cosmetic reasons or anything just because I thought it was cool that if I ever got into a biting contest with someone I could kick their ass (Yeah, I know. “BITING CONTEST??!”). I also selected my method of anesthesia. Originally I was going to opt for the painkillers and nitrous oxide. I mean, cars in the Fast and Furious used I and in Bio-Dome they got high off it so that would be fun right? Thing is the doctor said I would still be conscious during the operation and seeing as how I have an extremely low tolerance for pain (I scream bloody murder when someone taps on my shoulder) I descended on the third option to be put to sleep (hopefully not for good like with dogs) The said it was only a “light twilight sleep” not like when someone gets their appendix removed. I think I discovered a phobia today, I’m not afraid of many things, just about anything really. Except death; and I can’t help wondering that if maybe some made a mistake I could go to sleep and never wake up again. Suck if I did. I pretty much wasted my entire life and I have a huge pornography collection I need to shred before my mom starts auctioning off my stuff.

"Perhaps I know why it is man alone who laughs: He alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter." - Friedrich Nietzsche

JP on TV!

Not that that's anything special really...

NP no.unkwn

Dad: What the hell is that?
Me: Several pounds of raw meat. The host hurls it into that wood chipper and the other guy has to run and catch it in a bucket when it shoots out the other end.
Dad: Is this another reality show?
Me: Think so, TV has come along way since you were a kid huh Dad?
Dad: Yea-No. This shit is stupid!

The Usual Work Crap

Have you ever tried to sell someone something that they just plain didn’t want? It’s hard, next to impossible actually. You can force them too if you never give them a chance to retaliate. The tick is to ask every customer and never stop talking, and never stop talking once you snagged the poor dolt. You see at the place where I work, North America’s number 1 electronics retailer. We try to push free trial subscriptions to magazines on people. After they try 8 of them for free the service continues to send the household magazines but starts billing them for the 9th one on. It’s not a bad deal, really. The magazines are good; it’s just you have to cancel your subscription after all 8 issues for it to really be free. Heaven forbid the customer has to call and automated 1-800 number and press 1 for yes or 2 for new. Lazy fucks! Every time I don’t sell a magazine I get bitched at by four different managers for not being friendly enough or whatever. Trust me I’m being as friendly as possible without offering to go home and provide oral sex to all the customers kind enough to sign up. I mean, seriously, they basically want us to suck the customer’s cock. I understand they pride themselves on customer service unlike those lazy douche bags at circuit city but there’s only so much a person can do. They ought to call it Best BJ instead of Best Buy, or Future Suck instead of Future Shop. And who cares if my khakis are slightly wrinkled?

Just when I finally thought I was getting somewhere with the girl at work my love interest of the week as I might as well call her. During some break time we were having a nice conversation about the pope at a religious event she attended in Canada, scary movies and not so scary movies, and all the hernias she got from cheerleading (this was kind of gross. Somehow the topic of marriage popped up and I asked jokingly if she was married. I was already starting to chuckle at my own lame quip when she said that she was “promised” promised, I wondered, what the fuck does that mean? She showed me a ring on her finger and I did a total 180 like “Ha ha, h-WhaaAAT?!” So she is engaged. Wow that was a trip, I never even considered it possibility why she wasn’t returning any of my more obvious affection even though there seemed to be definite chemistry between us. My luck with the opposite sex just keeps getting worse. Goes a little something like this: Ashley (her family hates my family) Sara (just sort of drifted apart) Becka (stalked me) Megan (uber-feminine sociopath) Carmella (lived with a scary teacher, now lives miles away) Alicia (engaged, duh). I didn’t help that I didn’t know which finger the ring goes on but process of elimination helped (I know it wasn’t the middle finger or the two in the pink one in the stink fingers, obviously not the thumb). So from these relationship fiascos there is only one thing left, next person will turn out to be a chick with a dick. There’s already this one gay dude who hits on me.

And now here it is, your moment of zen as Jon says. The reason I called this post crap at work is because of a, shall we say unusual discovery today in the Men’s room. During break I went into the employee lounge and two employees were laughing hard. Here’s what happened.

Guy #1: Hey, go look in the restroom!
Me: Why?
Guy #2: *laughing* Just go look, trust me you won’t be disappointed. IT’s in the first handicap stall.
Me: *returns a few minutes later* How is that even possible?
Guy #2: I don’t think is, if he were sitting down it would have raised him up.
Me: Well there is a Taco Bell nearby…
Guys: *laughing*
Guy #1: That is so fucking nasty.
Me: If I were the custodian, I’d just be like “I quit.”
Guy #2: No shit! *laughs* shit
Guy #1: I’m going to take a picture with my camera phone or none will believe us.

You’re probably wondering what this is about, some pooped and filled up the entire toilet bowl, then continued to tower a few inches above the seat. My guess is that someone brought this stuff in concealed somehow, it’s basically an act of vandalism because that much of a load cannot be flushed.

Another Day

Today was just as uneventful as always. I did however get to go to the movies and see The Terminal. It was a great movie staring Tom Hanks and directed by Spielberg, just excellent. It had a lot of emotional ups and downs where you were like “Gee, that kind of sucks. I hope everything works out for this guy” and then you were like “Oh ok, it kinda did, that’s cool.” It was also very funny, funny like how real life is funny not funny like how things in movies or on television normally are, you know, scripted. If that makes any sense. All of the characters were interesting, they were so great in fact that I wanted to see them again in a sequel though this really isn’t a sequel movie. I can think of a few creative ways one might continue the story but it’s really not worth it. The only character I didn’t like was the one played by, Catherine Zeta-Jones , she reminded me too much of Meg. Especially the when she said the thing about seeing men how she wanted to see them instead of how they actually are. Also the guy who was head of airport security was an asshole. In short, it was a funny, touching tale. 8/10.

HiiiiiEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Ever wonder just how many carpet...blades, fibers, hairs? Whatever they are called make up the carpet covering the floor of your room? If you have a bare wooden floor the answer is simple. None. But if you're like me and have light gray carpet I guessing it could be anywhere from 1000 - 1000000000. I tried to count them today but kept loosing count.

Weee?

Because of a mixture of boredom, love of chocolate, and extreme thirst I mixed a half gallon jug of 2% milk with half a bottle of Hershey’s chocolate syrup. Then I put the top on shook it till it turned almost black and chugged it. While I was drinking I noticed an advertisement for a steakhouse on the kitchen counter. At the bottom it said "FREE SAMPLER of our Mountain Man Sausage (Black Bear, Elk & Venison)". The result? I laughed so hard the milk sprayed out of my mouth and nose simultaneously. On the refrigerator. On the floor. On the counter, and of course all over Rocky. My dog, who follows me around every time I eat something because he wants table scraps…..My nose burns.

Draaannoooooooooooooo. GEL!

Today I sat around on my ass and did absolutely nothing.

"I want to eat chicken burgers!" - Tom Green, Freddy Got Fingered

Run of the Mill Rants

Today was pretty dull again, I think I may actually be looking forward to work. But not school. Never school. They say idle hands are the devils playground or something like that. Hey that’s what I’ll do, watch Idle Hands! Great movie, very funny and it has the hottest girl in the world in it. Why the fuck did they cancel Dark Angel?!

New Info

New info. I don't blog as much as I used to, but I'll probably start again soon. I've been reading the random definitions on urbandictionary.com they're very entertaining.

Father's Day

Today I gave Dad my present he really seemed to enjoy it, and then we watched Aliens. Watched 50 First Dates at Marty’s.

Today I

Oh shit, I can’t even remember what I did today.

later

LATER!

Fun Filled Day of Dental Work

After nearly two years of discomfort ranging from a minor annoyance to a severe pain in the ass (mouth) I am finally getting my braces removed. The orthodontist checked to see if all my teeth were they needed to be and then a girl who turns out to be a cousin of Melissa B. removed them. Once they were out the orthodontist came returned to get the excess glue off. I asked if I could keep my braces as a souvenir and they said yes so I after getting my retainers I took my braces home in one of those sealed plastic bags the office keeps their sterile instruments in. An hour after the orthodontist appointment I went to the dentist for a regular teeth cleaning. The good news is that I have; no cavities or other problems the bad news is I have been brushing my teeth too hard and it is damaging my gums. I think I'm one of the few people who enjoy a trip tothe dentist office, I like the feeling after I get my teeth cleaned and I like reading the magazines in the wiating room. The dentist is also a nice guy and he gives out free samples. :)

Real Life

I spent another exciting day watching TV. I did move a little today, worked out with weights during the commercials. I think once I’m living on my own I’ll place a tread mill in front of it. That would be cooler than weights because on the last few sets sometimes you need to focus more, which detracts from the whole TV viewing experience. A treadmill would have nice, stead continuity to it. I suppose I could work out at the gym but I really hate that. The channels I want to watch are never on and TV is up so damn high I can’t change it unless I bring my universal remote with me; and of course, I can hardly get anything done because some bitch always wants to talk to me. It’s like “Yeah, I am working hard. Isn’t that what you should be doing right now?” and of course every time I try to swim laps somehow I always end up with long strands of hair in my mouth. Can’t even relax in the hot tub, if I get in someone else always shows up later, usually some loser I went to middle school with and then I’m forced to endure a long awkward silence before they say. “Hey, I know you.” And I grab my towel and leave. I also don’t like locker rooms. I have this never ending fear that I’m going to get a terrible case of athletes foot, and then there’s just something unsettling about sharing the bench with some fat naked old guy with what looks like a carpet square on his back. Now where was I? Oh yes TV! Today marks the first in what will no doubt be many satisfying TV season premieres. I watched Joe Schmo 2 and The Simple Life 2, once again I am outraged that they blurred our Paris and Nicole’s ass cleavage. Hopefully I can get a DVD devoid of the censoring. Except for the one part with the rancher in chaps…as amusing as it was I think I’ll let that blur stay where it is. Many people hate Reality TV and most of them aren’t so great, but these two I like. Well I’m going to go record more CDs and MP3s on to MDs. Bye.

The Post Title

Blog Vila?
Strange Dreams That I Had This Morning
 Dodgeball with Russian political figures
 Shopping for vegetarian foods with meg
 Stopping some one from stealing my car in San Francisco

Also, I just invented a videogame, it’s a really good idea but I’m afraid someone will steal it so I won’t saw what it is. Also a children’s toy. I’ll list some hints for myself here so I won’t forget: VG-R,P,SgestrRECOG

SECNDechSKclUOR>?

USA TODAY

Ronald Reagan died a few days ago, he was pretty old. 93. I know nothing else about him except he used to be an actor, because I heard Doc say that on Back to the Future. Ok so I know two things about him he was president in 1985 and he did that Star Wars thing whatever that is. Three things. His wife supports stem cell research. The End.

Outage

Last night a violent storm knocked out electrical power for most of the city. I was watching TV at the time, and continued to stare anxiously at the dark screen for about an hour after we lost power. Dad and I lit some candles and I got used a flashlight to read magazines (Popular Science, Maxim and TV Guide). I would have preferred to have a book but the garage door also needed electricity and I didn’t feel like lifting it myself. So I couldn’t go buy or check out any books, I read each magazine from cover to cover until I got tired and fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning the power was stiff off, we had put all the food into coolers with ice because the refrigerator wasn’t working. I spent part of the day pacing back and forth impatiently for the power to come back on. On a few occasions I felt as if I might cry, and once I even prayed to god to make the people fix the problem (how pathetic is that?) I spent most of the day washing, vacuuming and waxing my car but I also played guitar for a few hours and went shopping for a Father’s Day gift. Finally, the power came back on around 6:50 PM. My prayers were answered, just in time for the Simpsons! There are only a few shows on TV I actually make a point to see, and by the time electricity was restored I was able to see most of them, the rest of the day I mainly spend channel surfing. Without electricity I was able to accomplish some things that I never would have gotten around to had we not had the storm. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise.

Slowly But Surely

I’ve finally gotten around to updating my blog. Aren’t you proud of me?

Report

The school sent out my report card today, and here are my grades I received:

Stagecraft 1 – B
Keyboarding 2 – B
French 3 – C
Junior English – A
Study Hall – A
Auto Tech 3 – A
Wight Lifting – C
Physics – B
Consumer Ed – C
Creative Writing – A
U.S. History 2 – C

And my GPA for junior year is ..... *drum roll*..... 3.0!

Worst. Channel. Ever.

Top Ten Worst Television Stations

1. 01: The only thing on is monotonous static, all day everyday.

2. Public Access 4: Local information displayed on multicolored backgrounds, sometimes has high school stuff or city council meeting on

3. C-Span: The "shows" here are so uninteresting it's offensive. If I wanted to stay informed about this political shit I'd watch CNN.

4. Lifetime: Endless bull shit. Basically the same show every time you watch; talentless actors are the only thing that change. The programs are utterly mind numbing nonsense.

5. C-Span 2: ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!

6. Disney: Who writes this shit? Some of the worst and overused show concepts ever. Watching Disney reminds me of drinking watered down drinks

7. QVC: I wanted to buy a bunch of worthless crap from TV I'd watch HSN. The swords are kinda cool though.

8. EWTN: This channel sucks. The cartoons are neat, sort of. But most of the time it's just that nun talking to retards on the phone or some goofy douche bag trying to sell you stuff you don't want.

9. ESPN 2: I'm not much of a sports fan so obviously I'm not fond of this one, but even if I was into sports I wouldn't watch this.

10. PBS: Do their target audiences even like it?

Close calls: E!, ABC Family, A&E, ShopNBC, ABC, WGN, The Weather Channel, CMT

I've Been Waiting

Have I ever said how much I suck at romance? Seriously, I have no love life, hardly a life at all actually but that’s always been cool with me actually. Being around people makes me feel tired as if I’ve been working out or something. I had a somewhat painful reminder of how much I suck at communicating my interest with that other notorious gender today.

There is a cute girl who works with me named Alicia, I know she likes me because she is always going out of her way to talk to me even at times I would deem inconvenient. Plus I always catch her gazing amorously at me; if I look back at her she breaks into a contagious grin. I know she doesn’t have a boyfriend because during breaks when all the other girls are chatting about theirs she doesn’t say much (wonder how’d the fat bossy a-hole-coworker-o-mine has boyfriend? Did she drug the poor guy?). Anyway, today I had the chance to speak with Alicia because during some downtime I wanted to buy a Coke. Here is that conversation

Me: Hi
Alicia: Hi! *Waves enthusiastically*
Me: Do you like this song too? (She was singing along before I interrupted; the store always plays music)
Alicia: Yeah, it’s old but it’s great!
Me: I think it came out in 1980-something (the only reason I even got the decade right was because of Grand Theft Auto. Rockstar makes the best games)
Alicia: 1981 I think, but I don’t know much about foreigner. If it were Madonna I’d know.
Me: Could you scan this for me? My register isn’t working.
Alicia: Yeah, the computer won’t let you buy stuff from yourself.
Me: *takes a coke out of the refrigerator and puts it on the counter*
Alicia: *scans it* Do you mind if the store has your phone number? (The computer always asks for your number with all purchases now; probably so that they can bombard you with telemarketing later)
Me: Yes. But you can have it.
Alicia: *smiles then looks a little embarrassed*

I’m not sure how I screwed this up. Maybe I should have asked for her number instead, or maybe she was just being friendly, really friendly. I doubt it though, she acts noticeably different around me than other employees, and maybe she is just shy. It could also be age difference, when she tried to get me to help her with one of the magazine sells I mentioned that I didn’t have a credit card because I was 17. She said that she thought I was 21, which is how old she thought I was. Ironically, I thought she was 17. I told her this and she said she understood because most people guess her age as 13 or 14 (she is really small, petit I guess you could say (she's one of those cheerleaders who gets tossed around so that’s probably a good thing; remember what happened to the fat one on the Dodge Ball trailer?). Oh well at least that coke was good. Cola, in case you were confused. We don’t sell the white powdery kind but if you can’t find it on our shelves you should “check out our website” because sometimes they have more stuff online then in stock.

New Post

Today was cool I saw The Stepford Wives, which was, strange. It had some funny parts notably the “Big Jew” made from pinecones and the dog that he saw on the computer before it got turned into a Robot. Overall, it was about what you would expect, not saying that much. Most of the story was given away in previews and the ending was pretty obvious. Of course that one husband was a robot, he was too strange to be a regular guy. And the woman he was married to was the only one with wrinkles so she was obviously human. Speaking of robots I saw the preview of I, Robot that despite it’s horrendously terrible title looks like a pretty cool movie; can’t wait. I also rented Stuck On You after work. It’s not nearly as retarded as you may have thought. It’s a great movie! Funny but also really touching, I didn’t know what to expect really. I assumed they would stick together in the end (pun was intended well…. no, it wasn’t). I assumed they would stay together in the end but when they got the operation I was stunned, I also expected one of them to die. The happiest ending possible, how sweet. The part with Frankie Muniz and Cher was seriously messed up and the two women co-starring in the movie were really hot.

"We're not Siamese. We're American!"

I saw a boobie today! It was awesome; there was this woman who was trying to write a starter check. I felt bad really, first because she told me she had never written a check before and secondly because after all the information she filled in the manager said I couldn’t accept it, I had told her I would look the other way but he caught me. Part of the reason I was willing to look the other way was because of the way in which I was looking, while she was writing the check she leaned over enough so that I could see one of her entire breast. She asked me what iz….what is ‘memo’? and I told her o ignore it because most people don’t fill that part out. I was lucky her husband didn’t catch me scooping out his wife otherwise he probably would have used me to prop open the automatic doors while he wheeled his TV out. Luckily while I did this he was busy saying something in French to his baby. Maybe she wasn’t wearing a bra to make breast-feeding easier, whatever the reason it was a bright spot in a normally dull workday for me. Even better than that one time with the jogger because it was close up!

All in a day 's work!

Remember that movie Clerks in which that character Randall spit in that guy's face? Sometimes I feel tempted, but never follow through. Enjoy.

The following dialogue is not based on actual events; it is entirely made up, i.e. fictitious. Do not take any of the following text seriously; to put it another way, DO NOT BE OFFENDED!

Elderly Woman Customer: Excuse me, sir.
Me: Yes?
Elderly Woman Customer: can you tell me what. . . . ‘G-Unit’ means; is that some type of rating?

Me: and your product qualifies for our two-year product replacement plan, just keep the receipt a-
Fat Man Customer: Oh hell no! I don’t want that shit! If this thing breaks I’ll just be like “fuck it!” and toss it out!
Me: Oookay.

Me: Your purchase (retrograde cassette tape player) also qualifies for a two or three-year product replacement plan in case the blah blah blah
Soccer Mom: No thank you. I’ll just pray to the lord that it doesn’t break.
Me: can tell that she is serious. I’m sure that will work.

Really foul smelling Goth dude: *hands me an Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVD*
Me: Hi! Did you find everything okay?
RFSGD: *incoherent mumbling*
Me: Your total comes to $15.00
RFSGD: *hands me 16 crumpled one dollar bills*
Me: *gives him back one, then puts his DVD in a sack and hands it to him* Thank you, have a nice day
RFSGD: *incoherent mumbling*

Me: And, I’ll need your phone number.
Mexican Dude: *blank stare*
Me: I need your phone number for this. . .
Mex Dude: Que? . . . . . What?
Me: Oh god, he doesn’t speak English Phone, number. Numero de telephon-o?
Mex Dude: *looks a little worried*
Me: *pushes the button and skips it* Don’t worry about it, thank you.

Hottie: Hi!
Me: Hi, find everything you needed?
Hottie: Gee, I hope so! *giggles*
Me: Tries to scan barcode but it doesn’t work
Hottie: Oh sorry I got this turned around! There are more on the other side.
Me: Helps her rotate the box in the right direction and discovers 5 barcodes all really torn up.
Hottie: Sorry, looks like I grabbed the messed up one!
Me: looks like. *Scans all five but none of them register*
Manager #3: Is there a problem?
Hottie: Yeah! He can’t find the right line-thingy!
Me: Yes, I can it’s th-
Manager #3: Scan that one.
Me: *scans the one she was pointing to* It doesn’t work.
Manager #3: Here, let me try *scans, but still doesn’t work* Okay let me try something *quickly walks off*
Me: *glances at customer*
Hottie: *glances at me* Is she coming back?
Me: Probably.
Manager #3: *finally returns* ‘Kay. Enter that number under the torn code.
Me: *looks over at the box*
Manager #3: *takes the box and starts reading a 20 digit number aloud* No, 9. Okay, then 0 wait 4. Delete that. Not stop right there. 9, 0, you had it.

Me: *offers her the free magazines that come with her purchase*
Butch Female Customer: Not thanks. Think I’ll pass.
Me: *Smiles and tries to joke in an attempt to seem less “like the robot”* what, you don’t like Orlando Bloom? *Points at his picture on the brochure*
BFC: No actually! I saw him in Pirates of the Caribbean, and though he was quite . . . . . light in the loafers *laughs gruffly*
Me: *pauses briefly in shock at the derogatory comment; then laughs with her and says have a nice day*

Little boy: Wow! Mom, Dad. I want this robot!
Parents: Ignore him, and continue chatting leisurely despite the fact that we are closing
Bossy Cashier next to me who smells like dead fish steps forward: They might not buy it for you, its kind of expensive.
Little boy: Why how much does it cost, a million dollars? A thousand dollars? A infinity-seven dollar?
BCNTMWSLDF: ISN’T HE SOOOOOO CUTE!
Me: *nods*
Robot: *farts then runs out of power, again*
Parents: COME ON -----, Lets go!

----------------LATER-------------------

Manager #1: Leans forward after scheduling me on the only day I can’t work. I just want to help you, what can I do to help you?
Me: how about finish off that last candy bar and die of hypertension. *Shrugs innocently*
Manager #1: We just don’t want you to be comfortable and not sound so much like the robot. Not sound so…..so…..
Me: Scripted?
Manager #1: Yes, scriptey! So I’ll see you then?
Me: absolutely.
Manager #1: Great!

"No, I don't work here. I just have the same color shirt heh heh" - Rocko's Modern Life

Couch Potato...MMmmmm taters

Sorry, no fun filled adventures for you to read about today. Or any day, really. Just sat around on the couch and watched movies with Marty. He quit his old job because his boss was a tyrannical bitch (is it just me or are the women ones always?). I saw Apocalypse Now; the Redux which is MUCH MUCH better, Deep Impact, Mr. Deeds (say it in French, it sounds funny) and Star Gate, Bend It Like Beckham (this movie is pretty good but not THAT good, Liz played it back on the Tivo 4 times!) and Van Wilder which was an excellent movie, kind of vulgar even for me though, I taped it. Also enjoyed Bob and Margret, give it up for Tivo.

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning" - AN

Where Has The Day Gone?

This morning I woke up, ate pancakes, French toast, bacon, sausage milk, OJ and hashbrowns. Went back to sleep, got up a little later. Fixed the brake lights on my car, practiced guitar then watched a few movies whilst updating my blog in-between commercials. The Fifth Element and Mr. Deeds. I was preparing to type one of those “about the author” post but ran into some writer’s block and some, well, me block I guess. Then I remembered I didn’t do my post for today, so I sat down and, well; Here I am. My mother, step-dad, Martin, and adopted-little-step-sister Elle are fishing in one of the ponds near the governor’s mansion. I think their plan was to catch our dinner tonight, though they left about four hours ago and neither of them has ever cleaned their own fish before. That kind of comes as surprise to me, I thought at least Liz would know how seeing as how she is a, you know, redneck? It’s probably not the day for fishing, the sky is overcast and it has been raining most of the day. I want to go rent The Butterfly Effect or Stuck On You, I’ve been meaning to for so long but, I’m also in the mood for a Woody Allen movie right now. I would also like to get a meatball sub and a cookie from Quiznos. It’s already 9:40 and it feels as if I just got up at 7:40; guess I better decide before the day is over.

“Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.” - Henry David Thoreau (oh yeah, he’s a “snarky” one)

STUFF I WANT TO BUY WITH MONEY
1. A+ Certification for Dummies
2. Linux for Dummies
3. Feng Shui for Dummies
4. The Sopranos DVD
5. Futurama DVD
6. Nip/Tuck DVD (have they made one?)
7. Manhunt
8. Red Dead Revolver
9. Halo 2 for Xbox
10. Big ol’ stack of CD/Rs and DVD/Rs
11. Blank MiniDisks
12. Flavor Blasted Goldfish
13. Miuntain Dew: live wire
14. Ice cream
15. New headphones

Money, at last.

I got my paycheck today; felt like it took years, but at least I didn't have to have my memory erased. Though sometimes I wish I could have had it erased. Being cashier can be fun, it is interesting to see what people are buying, interesting to see all the different kinds of shoppers. It’s like a human zoo. I’m basically a hermit so I don’t have a lot human contact so I forget how diverse the population can be. During my down time I enjoy organizing the customers into five different categories.

The first are the Tech-Nerds. They are mostly 17-30 though I have seem some older; they come into to buy only computer parts. Such as DVD/CD recorders, extra memory, sound and video cards, USB cables, surge protected power strips, etc. Tech-Nerds also like games, but not PS2 Xbox or Gamecube. PC ONLY! And usually online multiplier stuff like Doom or Halo. They are all guys, I have never seen a female one.

The second group I notice is the Oldies. They don’t like music or video games, the only thing they purchase are replacement ink cartridges for their printers. Usually one at a time, and they always bring the old used one with them because they can’t remember what brand they need. This category is the one my father belongs to, I wonder if he realizes that cartridge he carries around makes him look a few decades his senior. Every now and then you will see one of the grandmothers buy a DVD for their grandchildren “Gee, I hope this is the right one.”

Then there is the Family: super-stressed Mom frantically digging in her stupid purse for checks or credit cards, the son who tried to guy a video game on his own with all the quarters and George Washingtons he saved up then realizes he didn’t count on tax and needs the Dad, who is holding the younger daughter, cracking cornball jokes to help him out Son with the payment.

That brings us to my next category, the Media-Geeks. People that not only shop alone but definitely live alone too, they can be any where from 23 – 53 and can be male or female. The females are really ugly, bad teeth, bad hair, obese, and even if you don’t give a flying fuck about fashion like me, you can’t help but realize how poorly they’re dressed. The men just look like regular guys, fucking annoying though, they’re impatient, loud and obnoxious, and always want to pull out a bunch of coupons or store credit cards, they also like to check the newly issued ads for sales, complete the transaction then force me to void it and start over again with the price marked down. These people usually buy several DVDs or CDs for their collection to fill the void left in their hearts by a non-present significant other.

Last but not least, the Shitheads, men or women 12 – 23. The males generally a little older by a few years, the kind of guys the Shithead girls like to date because being with n older guy will make them cool just like all their friends. What do these guys like to buy? Car stuff. Especially speakers CD players. Mini DVD screens and of course “SUBS!”. Don’t bother offering them the product service plan, they wanna be cool and do it themselves, and if they fuck up, they can always start over if it’s in 30 days. Ah, the Shithead ladies. They always look hot, and you can go as slow as you want, assuming no Media-Geeks are behind them, because they’ve got nothing better to do. Even if it takes you an hour to process the transaction they’d have fun chatting or playing with that new camera-phone. They only buy maybe one or two CDs, the ones they have been waiting for like, months for it to come out; and oh my god it is gonna be sooo cool!

Which group do you belong to? Customers can be annoying as hell, but of course I love them all. They pay my salary! I went to the bank and deposited my check of $157.00. It was the first time I had used the drive-trough one and the sucky-tube-thing was fun. Unfortunately the woman did not give me any balloon, stickers or candy. I kept $37.00 in cash and went to the mall where I got a delicious but overpriced slice of pepperoni pizza from the Sabarro’s in the food court. Then as I was leaving the food court I saw Phillip and spoke with him for a while, he told me had also seen me in line at the bank. He was probably stuck me behind in the drive-thru, while I argued with the woman at the bank. Mmmm, there is a new place in the food court that serves hot dogs wrapped in soft salty pretzels and I think you can cover them with cheese or mustard. Fat. Yum. In the parking lot I saw someone attaching a spoiler to his cheap rusty old car while his girlfriend watched. Ah, only on Wannamakerr.

After that I went home and watched Casablanca, it’s easy to see why so many people think it is the best movie Hollywood has made. The characters and the stuff going on between them was interesting enough so that I didn’t fall asleep like I do during most dramas. The historical setting also made it interesting. For an old movie it is not too bad but definitely. DEFINATLEY OVERATED. I would give it 7 out of 10. A dull film? Yes. But a classic?. Make that a double-yes. It did seem to have an air of class that was new to me. It is as much a part of movie history as 2001: A Space Oddessy. You should buy both, so stop buy Best Buy sometime and see me. High Fidelity is also on sale for $9.99! After that I fell asleep on the couch around 11:50 when he was saying something about beans. THE END. [music plays}

"Here's looking at you, kid." - Humphrey Bogart

Fun In The Sun

I better make this fast, I have to go to work in an hour and need to shower and change. Today I went to a country club with Marty and played golf. I think we played 20 holes, it was the first time I’ve played golf in about five years. The weather was great, I made some great drives, not counting that one slice, but my putting definitely needs work. I think I’m using my golf swing too much as a stress reliever or something because I always want to smack the hell out of the ball. Driving the golf carts was fun, it would have the entrance to the club was near the highway, it would have been fun to take the cart out there! One of Marty’s balls went of the clubs fence and hit an electrical tower, one of mine bounced off of a septic tank and almost hit a frog. I don’t know who won, we kept forgetting to keep score, but I think he did, though not by much.

We picked up Liz from the ranch where she works and she told us that while killing weeds she saw a dead cow. Marty suggested she come back when it had decayed more and take the skull. I guess so she could mount it on the front of a RV like on Road Rules or something….what is it with people and the animal heads? Once on the way home Mom and I saw a guy cutting the head off a road kill deer. Probably to mount it on his wall or something. I remember when I was in boy scouts we would go over to Rob’s house and he had a ton of preserved deer heads on the wall. I went by Dan’s to check on my car; it’s almost done with all the body work and detailing so I should have it back soon, as well as some spare parts salvaged from my old car so that’s good. It was nice to do something different than just watch TV today though, of course, I do love TV and would never get tired of watching.

I’m considering starting a new blog dedicated to more detailed movie reviews, saw Pitch Black on the Sci-Fi channel last night, I thought it was good. Liz really enjoyed it, she seems to love all movies with some kind of horrible creatures in it, that and ultra-chick flicks (strange combo). Speaking of movies, I need to watch this new Casablanca DVD as well as go to Mean Girls and The Chronicles of Riddick. That’s all, when I get back from work if I’m not too tired I’ll update some past days and work on the template some.

"Architecture in general is frozen music." - Friedrich Nietzsche

To Be Updated At A Later Time

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. " -Friedrich Nietzsche

Bacon Flavored Pringles

Are not that good. I'd have to say original are the best. Though barbeque and pizzalicous come close. The reduced fat kind are okay but sour cream and onion are revolting.

"Morality is the herd-instinct in the individual. " - Friedrich Nietzsche

LOL, This Just In!

HA HA HA, that was dead on. No way I'm gonna stop buying clothes at Wal-Mart. They look just as good as other stores' clothes and where else can you get a nice shirt for $8.00? If the woman thing is true I might change, but I'd be really bitter about it. And my hair cut costs $10.00. Wal-Mart kicks ass.

I AM 17% METROSEXUAL! I need some advice. I need to STOP BUYING MY CLOTHS AT WAL-MART!!!! I will never land a decent woman unless I shave this nasty facial hair, and spend more then $5 on a haircut. Take the METROSEXUAL test at Fuali.com

I AM 70% EVIL GENIUS! Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings. Take the EVIL GENIUS test at Fuali.com

"The root of suffering is desire" Buddhist teaching